All Over Again
by halaf85
Summary: It was clear how the teenager Bella would choose her life, but what if she got to make that decision when was older. Starts On the beginning of Breaking Dawn, Bella and Edward's Wedding. Idea inspired by the amazing NikkiB1973
1. Prologue

Prologue

 _And then his eyes bulged wide with a strange kind of confused horror._

" _What?" he gasped. "What did you say?"_

" _About what… ? Jake? What's wrong?"_

" _What do you mean? Have a real honeymoon? While you're still human? Are you kidding? That's a sick joke, Bella!"_

 _I glared at him. "I said butt out, Jake. This is so not your business. I shouldn't have… we shouldn't even be talking about this. It's private—"_

 _His enormous hands gripped the tops of my arms, wrapping all the way around, fingers overlapping._

" _Ow, Jake! Let go!"_

 _He shook me. "Bella! Have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!"_

 _He shook me again. His hands, tight as tourniquets, were quivering, sending vibrations deep into my bones._

" _Jake, sto-!"_

Before I had time to finish the sentence, a huge large body passed me in high speed to land on Jacob's big body.

It took me a moment to figure out that Edward in his wedding suit was now hitting Jacob with all his strength. At first Jacob wasn't defending himself, I saw shock on his face and I didn't know if it was because of our conversation or Edward's attack. Then he started attacking back with anger.

"I will kill you for just thinking about risking her life" Jacob hissed as Edward punched his face with fierce.

I saw blood under Jacob's eyes, that's when I started begging Edward to stop. Jacob - probably due to the hard journey as well as his mental state – was not in his full strength, I saw him falling on the ground with the force of Edward's kicks. I cried for them to stop but it seemed like the supernatural hearing of theirs has stopped working at that moment.

I started walking to their direction, when I heard a denying growl from the forests. The growl was just in time because I felt the air of Jacob's transformation on my face, as I fell back on the ground.

In a few seconds four big wolves immerged from the forest. And my heart sank, will Edward be able to handle five wolves. It then surprised me that they too were using their strength against Jacob. They were trying to push him away, as he resisted.

During that time tears was falling from my eyes, I wanted to scream but was considering how horrific it would be if our wedding guests joined that terrible scene.

Everyone was hitting Jacob. His pack members obviously wanted to prevent the unbreakable damage that would occur if Jacob killed a Cullen. At the same time, Edward's usual patience with him disappeared as I've seen him harming Jacob severely.

I was begging them to stop in the lowest hysterical voice affordable, but it was unstoppable. The scene reminded me of the newborn battle and my heart sank, as I couldn't stop thinking that any of those people in front of me may have Victoria's fate.

I maybe was stupid, or maybe so smart. But I gathered my energy to go in between them and try to pull them away from each other.

I have considered danger, for sure, but I completely depended on how their urge to keep me safe would make them stop.

I forgot they are faster than I thought, and I suddenly started to feel pain all over my body. I swore I heard a bone or two break when Jacob's human voice was screaming in pain and despair.

A loud cry came out of my throat as something heavy hit my head and the whole world went Black.


	2. Chapter 1

I had severe pain in my head; it was impossible to move my body. An unexplainable weight seemed to be on me, and it was even harder to open my eyes.

Then the screams were getting higher and higher in my ears. A child was clearly screaming with fear.

It took me sometime to think where I could be and what had happened, and no matter how hard I tried to remember, I couldn't recall a child.

As soon as the full memory hit me, I assumed the poor little kid must have seen the horrific scene and was scared to death.

'Shhh, little kid..' I said trying to comfort the child and stop the disaster; I wondered where everyone had gone.

'D-aaa—ddyyyyy" screamed the child.

I managed to open my eyes to find myself somewhere I've never been before. It was a two story small house, with white wooden ceiling, and light green walls. I tried to locate myself, as I was lying on my back, my head obviously on the lowest stair of the staircase.

I thought I would vomit as liquids moved in my stomach.

"Pleeaaaa-sseeee- come- Da-ddy" screamed the voice again and I looked upwards towards it's source and she freaked me out in every possible way.

She was a little girl, around four or five years old. The fear in her eyes scared me, and despite all my dizziness and pain, I couldn't but notice that she looked so similar to my younger self just with black hair and darker skin.

A familiar voice was calling my name, and when I couldn't give a reply, he called from above " Baby what's wrong, Daddy's coming"

'A dream' I assumed.

I waited it to end.

The little girl screamed " Bloood Daddyyy, Mommyyyy head blood"

"Mommy?" I questioned, "What a dream!" I told myself.

The girl mentioned blood on the head, so I managed to move my hand towards my head. I felt the moisture at the same moment my nose caught the smell and it nauseated me.

"Bella, Bella what happened?" The voice was descending towards me as the world went black again and the running footsteps faded.

"Bella, please wake up"

No doubt it was Jacob, he was patting my cheek, my shoulder my neck. The places he was touching me were so weird, like he wasn't shy to touch me anywhere, and it was even weirder my body reacted like it was just so normal.

"Please tell me she will be alright!" He said.

"I think she is alright, Jake," said a woman. I don't think I knew the voice and I still wasn't able to open my eyes. "The wound seems to be shallow, no throwing up, and I think she is coming around as we speak. Also, He is moving and I can see no damage, in my examination"

"Thank God" Jacob said in relief.

"But you have to go to the medical center, have her checked and make sure everything is alright" She added. "The timing is risky"

"Ok, thanks Rach"

"It's going to be alright Jake, I'll go downstairs make a fast call, you prepare her and go and I will watch Serena."

Jacob walked away then came back, he sat by my side, and started stroking my hair.

"Bells, honey, please, I can't with that, please reply to me," he pleaded.

I suddenly remembered the last time I had seen him, he was covered in blood, screaming in pain.

I opened my eyes

"Jake, are you OK?"

Jacob grinned so happily, and I was taken back by how well he looked.

"See baby" he was talking to someone beside me "Mommy will be OK"

It was the first time I noticed the little girl from earlier was clinging to my arm.

Who was she? Why did Jacob seem to know her very well? Where am I? have they moved me to the Cullens' house?

I looked around and figured this wasn't the Cullens' by any means. I was in a room with classic flowery wallpaper, it wasn't anything fancy but it was so warm and homey.

"Jacob you seem alright, please tell me if you are hurt!"

"Of course, love, I'm fine, I'm not the one who fell off the whole staircase, I told you before hold the handrail tight. "

"Right baby" he winked at the girl and she giggled

"Love?!" I said in questioning astonishment!

"Yes, love, and will always be" he leaned closer to kiss my jawline, his lips lingered there and I trembled everywhere including my stomach, what was wrong there?

"What's wrong with you Jacob" I pushed him away "we agreed, no more games… take me to Edward right now"

"Edward!" Jacob said in disgust, his face changed through hundreds expressions in a second, till it paused on fear!

"Serena" he was talking to the little girl again, "Baby please, go play with your dolls, aunt Rachel will join, and you can see mommy is fine, but she needs some rest"

Serena pouted, and looked at me.

I didn't know who that girl was, and I didn't know why Jacob was using a little girl in his tricks. I was annoyed with Jacob above limits, but I so much liked the little girl on the spot"

"Are you fine, mommy?" she asked

"No kid-" I was trying o object, to explain to her I'm no one's mommy, but Jacob stopped me.

"Yes, Serena" he replied. "Please go now, mommy needs rest"

She sincerely looked worried. Like I knew what to do, I smiled at her and nodded; she immediately jumped up to kiss my cheek, off the bed and left us alone"

I turned to Jacob he was lost in deep thought; I didn't miss the guilt in his eyes.

"What on earth is going on, Jacob?" I glared at him.

Jacob looked like he was about to vomit. The thought came with more nausea and I fought not to get sick myself.

"Please, answer me, what happened to Edward? Was anyone hurt in the fight? Where is Charlie? And what did you tell him about all that? Where are we? And who is that girl?"

"Bells-" it was clear he didn't know what to say. He paused for a very long moment, and then he walked to the nightstand on the other side, grabbed a mobile phone, used it for a bit then gave it to me.

I was about to explode with anger, I really couldn't think of a reason why Jacob was showing me a new phone model. Was he tech-savvy all of a sudden?

"Jake, plea-" I looked on the screen and saw the calendar's today date" Mar 25, 2013"

I sighed and looked at him. Jacob's face was full of pain, and as usual, his hurt was hurting me.

"Jacob please, you promised no more games" I looked him in the eye and stared for some time, he seemed to not know what to do, but Jacob's eyes were slightly different, he certainly looked older than before.

I swallowed hard, have I waken up in another dimension?

"Can you hand me a mirror." I asked him.

He walked to the dresser and grabbed me a small mirror. I looked at it and gasped out loud. He was shaking but he couldn't avoid trying to comfort me. He rested on my side and wrapped his hand around my waist.

My face in the mirror was much fuller than before, I could see small lines below my eyes I certainly didn't look eighteen anymore. And hell I was fatter. The image in the mirror made me panic.

"What's wrong Jacob, please tell me, what had happened?!"

I was trembling so he pulled me in his lap. He kept comforting me by rubbing me everywhere and this was irritating me even more.

"Breath Bella, I'll tell you, but you have to be calm"

He was hugging me and I remembered how his embrace would heal the inner hole during my own dark ages, the thought reminded my of Edward, so I had to ask:

"Is Edward fine, please tell me everything Jake, don't hide anything from me"

"He is fine Bella, as fine as he can be!" he sighed then added, "I'm so sorry Bells. But please be calm, I have a very unreal story to tell you"

Tears were falling from my eyes as he talked. He used his fingers to wipe my tears away, but they kept on falling.

Apparently I've been married to Jacob for five years, this cute little girl is ours, and this is our house in La Push.

Jacob was scared how I would take it all, so he thought he would brief me first. I had been injured badly in the fight; bad injuries in the spine, two broken ribs, a broken elbow and an extreme internal brain bleeding that had affected the way my memory functioned. As per Jacob the doctors had said I had lost the last two/three years of my life and they were hopeful it would come back to me by time.

"It was a nightmare not knowing if you would ever be fine again" Jacob explained "The doctors including Carlisle weren't sure if you would ever be able to walk, and when you became conscious, you were in bad distress, it was awful. We kept reminding you of everything, trying to answer all your questions; why you moved to Charlie's, who we were" he smiled faintly "At first you wouldn't get who he was, but you remembered me rapidly from old times"

"Everything was so different, and you needed special care. Charlie was so lost; he couldn't even arrange your medications properly. You know how stubborn he could be, but after messing up a few things with your medicines, Dad could convince him you move to our place, specially you refused to talk to Edward or his family then"

"It was my sole mission in life to make you feel better, you kept improving day by day. Few months had passed till you could move normally, but there was no sign of your memory coming back "

He held my hand and I couldn't jerk away. I wasn't taking in the fact that Jacob was now my husband; I tried not to think of it. All I knew is that he was my best friend and his comfort felt great.

"We developed a new level of intimacy" he went on "and here we are" He said with a weak smirk accompanied with a blush.

My stomach twisted.

I sat silent for some time, then started to shower him with questions, he insisted on not telling more as he didn't want to worry me as I just had fallen down and injured myself.

"Only one question, please" I asked

"They moved to Alaska two years ago" He replied before I asked.

I opened my mouth to ask for more, when he interrupted, "Bella, I swear I'll tell you everything with all the details, but first things first. We have to go to the medical center now, we have to check on you, and make sure everything is fine"

"No Jake, no need, I'm fine"

"I know you will be alright, but we have to make sure he's still ok" he said that rubbing my stomach. I looked at my big fat belly and I knew what the hell those strange feelings were.

I cried out then threw up on the both of us.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Everything changed after I had vomited. We had to go Forks hospital since Jacob and Rachel were afraid my memory coming back, as well as my sickness indicated another internal bleeding.

Jacob was screaming all around the house in panic. Rachel was calling the ambulance. I haven't met Jacob's sister much before the injury. I don't remember forming an impression about her, but I recall hating how she and her twin had left Jacob with the load of taking care of Billy. She now seemed caring and friendly, and from what I saw, Jacob was depending much on her.

In the ambulance, Jacob held my hand. His beautiful face showed all kinds of love, care, and worry. I wish I had the luxury of analyzing all what had happened in the last couple of hours of my life, but the pain took over, and to be honest it was a welcomed distraction. My stomach and back hurt me in ways I haven't experienced before. They gave me a sedative and that was all I could remember from the trip to the hospital.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital room. Jacob was sleeping on a couch. I assumed we were the next day. For a moment I hoped I had just woken up from the weird dream, but my fat belly was still lying upon me. The memory caused me more dizziness. I looked around; the room seemed still and lifeless. I had machines wired to me everywhere, most around the belly, and I had an IV dripping into me.

As if he sensed me waking up, Jacob moved, then opened his eyes:

"Hey" he said with an assuring smile.

"Hi Jake" I replied dully.

He sighed and approached me.

"How do you feel now?"

"I don't know Jake, what happened?"

Jacob didn't reply, he swallowed as if uncertain, then laid by my side on the small hospital bed. The space was so tiny that his body was touching mine all over. Then he started rubbing my shoulders, squeezing my arms and burying his face in my hair.

What was with all the touching?

I froze and slightly pulled away and he sensed it, so he kept his hands to himself and sat up.

"Answer me, what had happened, Jacob?"

"You were having early contractions; they gave you injections to stop them since your internal bleeding had to be stopped first by a surgery."

"Surgery?"

"Yes, it wasn't so bad, thankfully all is well now"

"You said early contractions? How far am I?"

"Week 33, that's 7 weeks early!"

I nodded in disbelief. I still couldn't believe I'll be in labor that soon while I don't even remember going through the experience that lead to it.

Jacob explained everything; my pregnancy was a weak one from the beginning and I had many problems during the first trimester. Rachel (now a nurse midwife) had advised me not to exert myself with effort, but I had been concerned with Serena's mental state so I couldn't let her be affected by my pregnancy.

Two weeks before, I had had early contractions and we had visited the medical center and they had managed to reduce it and advised me to completely rest, but this injury changed everything and now we were expecting any minute.

Jacob went out of the room, to the hall to make some calls. I was left alone with my overwhelming thoughts. My heart ached and I missed Edward so much. I knew it's nearly impossible but I wished he were around now somehow.

Jacob came to the room, already talking on his mobile phone. Then he handed me another that was supposedly mine, Charlie's name was shown on the screen.

He looked at me and said in a hushed voice "He's on vacation with Sue in Florida, he's so worried, try to assure him you're alright" Jacob said and headed back outside. All the time he didn't interrupt his call.

He said this simple sentence like it was enough to explain the nonsense.

Why the hell was Charlie with Sue?

And vacation? Really?

I had never seen my father on vacations, ever.

The call with Charlie was more than awkward; I finished the call fast, saying the least possible. I then looked through my phone; it was so different from my old mobile, it took me sometime to reach the contacts. When I reached, I immediately searched for his name, but no Edwards were there. I tried calling his old number but it was out of service.

I had stayed in the hospital for two days before the real action started. I had to stay in the hospital, as I should be monitored after the surgery. Jacob always kept himself busy with something; it was obvious he was avoiding my questions and me. Phone calls, chats with the doctors, welcoming whoever came to visit us, and when there wasn't anything to do, he would sleep on the couch, or fake sleeping.

I knew my best friend very well and I could tell he was hurt, and that he was afraid like he had never been. I sympathized with him so much, and I wish I had an easier way to do this. But what can I do? I am the one who woke up to someone else's life.

Most of La Push visited me in the hospital. Nothing proved I had lost six years of my life like Billy Black. He aged like decades had passed. He treated me like a daughter and he stated several times how he couldn't meet the new chief. It took my so long to figure who that was. It was the baby in my belly.

It was noticeable how my relationships with many people had changed. Paul – now Rachel's husband and a father of a son – was so kind and decent to me. We couldn't even manage one proper conversation in my memory. Leah was dealing with me like I was her sister or something, she was more worried than expected and said she can't go on without me.

This life couldn't get weirder.

"Jacob?" I said that night, as he put his head on the couch to sleep.

He didn't reply right away.

"Jake, I know you are awake!"

"Yes, Bella, what is it?" He said in an emotionless voice.

"What's wrong with you?" I swallowed then went on "Jake, please try to understand me, all of a sudden I wake up to this mess! I am a person who woke up to choices I never had made"

"Well sorry, queen, I am sorry, so bad everything, all my life means nothing to you but a mess"

"It's not like that, Jacob-" I pleaded

"Well never mind, go to sleep now, you should save your energy, the next coming days are going to be hard" He replied calmly.

How could I ever tell him what I want to say? I knew I was hurting him, but I can't just give in to this life when all I wanted was something totally different. I kept searching for the proper words, but how proper can this be done?

"Jacob?" I went on again.

"Yeah" still in a cold voice.

"You said I didn't want to speak with Edward back then- when- you know- when I had lost my memory"

"Yeah"

"Why? Do you know? I mean did I tell you?"

"You thought they were all cold and weird, and not trust worthy"

"Oh!" I said, and then asked in confusion, "Are those my thoughts? I mean have I come to that conclusion all by my self? It doesn't really sound like me!"

"No" he laughed sarcastically, "I brainwashed you, want anything else?"

"Stop that right now Jacob, I didn't mean so. However yes I want something else, I want to see Edward"

I knew I pushed him to the edge. Jacob was obviously trembling and I figured what that meant.

"Oh Jacob, sorry, breath, please, you can't do it here, in the hospital"

Something strong inside me demanded I comfort him with positive thoughts. Memories when we would bike, his love to his father and little Serena. It was a very unusual thing, but the words came out of my mouth like I knew them by heart. As always, his pain was part of mine. The pain intensified inside of me and was suddenly concentrated in my lower belly, then I felt water all over my inner thighs. When I finally understood what was happening, I screamed.

I was expecting they would give me something to stop the pain, but everyone was under the impression I am a big pain bearer. I asked Jacob if they would inject me with something and he said probably it was too late. He then encouraged me by saying he believed I could make it as I had done with Serena. It was strange to imagine myself with such pain tolerance; I was always such a coward.

The pain was becoming unbearable but Jacob's presence was so assuring. He forgot all his anger and managed to support me by never leaving my side, he held my hand and kept guiding me. Everyone assumed I know what would happen, and what I should do, since I technically have been in labor before, but he understood how new this was to me so he was always there to explain.

Twenty minutes later, while Jacob was ordering me to push, I felt the baby body getting out of me. I looked at tiny creature that was beautifully crying and felt my cheeks wet. All of the past days had happened in front of my eyes, but they felt like someone else's experience, but my heart was completely owned to that little creature. He was so small and red. The doctor informed us he's a bit small, but he's a healthy premature.

"Pss Bella, wake up"

Jacob was awakening me in the middle of the night, the weak voice of my baby was crying.

"Sorry Bells, I tried to walk him around to sleep, but no use, he is starving"

"He wants to eat?" I asked in confusion.

"Yeah, you know." and he pointed towards my breasts.

"Oh" I felt my cheeks hot and knew I was blushing.

"I don't know if I can do this, Jacob"

He laughed "yes you do, Serena was breastfed for two years."

He then turned serious. "Listen I can leave the room if it will make you more comfortable, but I thought you may need some guidance"

I thought for a moment, the cries of the baby started to panic me.

"No Jake stay"

He gave a wicked smirk.

"Hey jerk, stop that and try not to look"

"I know them by heart by now" he teased.

"Stop it, Jake, you know what? Maybe you need to get out"

"Ha-ha, OK then" he put the baby in my lap and walked to the door.

"Wait Jacob, stop being an ass and help me out"

He immediately came to my side, I untied my hospital gown, and Jacob placed the baby's head on my right arm. He adjusted my hand under the baby butt. Jacob stood behind me, put his hands inside and reached for my left breast, he pushed it out, to the baby and I pulled my arm towards it, he then started squeezing my breast towards the nipples. And the baby started sucking.

Jacob's touch was affecting me in the weirdest ways. It felt strange yet familiar, unwanted yet desired. The oddest part was how I wasn't even embarrassed by the situation. I just felt gratitude.

The baby then had to be changed. Jacob explained that at this age, they probably need a change after their feeding. Jacob did everything with expertise. I was relieved, it was clear he could manage it all by himself.

"Hey Jacob, what's his name"

"I waited for you to wake up and decide, what did you decide mommy?"

I thought for a moment then asked him if we ever had a name for him before.

He smiled and said, "you wanted Paris, and I am not so fond of it. I honestly wanted to name him Harry, I thought it would make both our Dads happy"

I thought about this; if I'm going to do what I intend to, at least I should give him the choice to name him. And to be honest Harry would sure make both our fathers happy.

"So Harry be it," I said with an assuring smile.

The next day Serena came to visit us. She laid eyes on her baby brother for the first time. I couldn't but gaze at her all the time; she looked so much like myself when I had been her age. She was in love with Harry but she wanted to carry him and walk around so when I said she couldn't, she started the water works. Magical Jacob interfered and set a cartoon video on his mobile for her to watch. He distracted her, and then excused himself to go grab something to eat.

I looked at Serena, and then discovered the chance had come.

I stroked the cheeks of the baby in my arms, as if unintentionally.

"Serena dear, do you want kiss your little brother one more time?"

"Yes mommy" She said

"Then come give mommy that mobile so that you can kiss him with free hands"

She obeyed.

I held Jacob's phone in my hands. I knew he would be in touch with them in a way. I didn't miss that many of these long calls were with Carlisle. I searched the contacts. At first I didn't find what I was looking for. When I was about to lose hope, I had an idea and typed 'Leech' and so it appeared.

I memorized the number; put Jacob's mobile on the side then dialed it on mine. My heartbeats went faster with the ringing till I heard his musical voice replying.

"Bella? Is that really you? Are you alright?"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

I reached an agreement with Jacob to stay at Charlie's for a couple of weeks. We both agreed that I needed to take some time to process what was happening.

Charlie and Sue had returned from their vacation. I learnt that they had got married the same month Jacob and me did. I was so happy for my father. It was great he could find love after all the years he had spent in loneliness.

Our house hadn't changed much; just a few womanly touches were added like flowers, colorful wall arts and matching cushions. The kitchen was the most major change; it didn't look abandoned like how I had found it when I had first moved here. My room was nearly untouched, Sue clarified they kept it for Serena and me as we would come for sleepovers if Jacob had a work trip or a night pack patrol.

I also learnt that Jacob had a small fishing shop that he was running himself in La Push. He didn't earn much but enough to keep us happy and stable.

All the family was informed by my memory adjustment. Mostly everyone dealt like it was no big deal, like this wouldn't change everything. Except for Jacob, I saw fear in his eyes whenever we would have a small talk or be left alone.

My father was so excited I was staying with Harry at his place; he was doing his best to make our stay comfortable. Sue dealt motherly with the situation and she would offer help with the baby whenever possible.

It was so hard, with the baby. It felt like the little tiny creature's life depended only on me and this idea stressed the hell out of me. Harry was little, but his voice wasn't, he was able throw me into real panic in a few minutes if he wasn't attended to in proper time.

During the workdays, Jacob would pickup Serena after school in his lunch breaks and drive her to us, then come pick her again when he finishes work at night. Charlie would always ask him to stay for dinner but he usually turned off the invitation. Serena was always an addition to my stresses. It was very hard to suddenly be a mother.

Harry was having trouble sleeping that night. He screamed and I cried with him. I tried all the tricks my mind would give me, like feeding, changing, talking, walking, singing and hushing. Nothing seemed to work.

At last and after three consecutive hours of cries from his side and mine, Harry slept. I sighed in relief when he did, and placed him in the crib. As I was putting the blanket in place, I heard my window opening. I gasped loudly as cool air brushed the back of my neck, and an icy thing touched my shoulder. I turned around and found Edward, but before I reacted, the baby whining started again.

"Edward" I said in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"

"Bella, didn't you-"

"Yes, I did" I carried the baby up to by chest again, tried to vibrate him, and went on " Edward, not like that, you scared my baby, why did you jump off the window?"

"I thought you would like that, Bella"

"Oh" I sighed "I have a baby now Edward we can't interrupt his sleep like that, can you please wait for me downstairs at the living room, I'll try to put him back to sleep"

"But, Charlie?"

"Edward, we don't have to hide, we are no longer kids, obviously!" I said turning my look from Edward to Harry. "Wait me downstairs".

The moment Edward left, the kid relaxed, was he able to sense a stranger's presence?

I put him back to bed, the burst into tears!

The meeting with Edward knocked me off. It was nothing like expected. He breaking unannounced through my bedroom did actually irritate me. I was frustrated with how bad our encounter was, and I didn't know what was up with me. Being a mother had changed me and it didn't seem like there was an easy way back.

After around an hour, I could contain myself enough to go down to meet him again. Edward was sitting there, on the couch, still and calm.

He looked me from head to toe and said, "You look extraordinary"

"Ha-ha" I laughed, "I look fat"

"No Bella, motherhood added beauty to you, how is everything?"

"I really don't know Edward, it's been confusing and tough"

It was good sharing my thoughts with someone; especially Jacob seemed to willingly avoid this conversation.

"It's like I have two lives" I went on "merged together. The wife, the mother who does care for her family, but there's also the teenager, who had her life planned ahead, and who is sure what she wants"

"Mmm" Edward said after a long silence, how did I like those long pauses before? "What do you want now Bella?"

"I want you, I want your life, I see you as an invincible, beautiful creature and I have decided to give everything else up just to be compatible to you" I said the words out loud and immediately felt unsure and guilty. "That if you would still take me" I said to lighten up my mood pointing to my swelled body.

"Bella, I'll always take you, I told you before."

I smiled at him.

"Did you tell the dog?"

In a moment, anger filled me

"The dog is my husband Edward, he is the father of my children and above all my best friend!" I said harshly. "Edward… I am afraid to see him in pain, can you try to understand this?"

Edward came closer to me on the couch, and I felt cold, but tried to hide it.

"Bella, I told him this might happen, I also tried to tell you actually, but he ignored and you told me to fuck off, out of your lives"

I saw pain in Edward's eyes.

"Oh I'm so sorry Edward"

"It's OK Bella, tell me what you want me to do"

I really didn't have a plan in mind. But like I'd been surprising myself before, I replied

"Can you wait another six months? The little baby is breastfed and I have to make sure he is healthy and more independent"

"Sure Bella" he looked disappointed and I wondered if he thought I'd just dump my baby and run away with him.

"During this time I will figure how to talk to Jacob and sort everything out"

We talked for an hour. It was nice to experience back my teenage life for a while. The baby woke up and I heard it on the monitor so we said goodbyes and I went up to my motherly duties.

I gave Harry his meal, while I rested in bed beside him – a trick Sue taught me- I then fell asleep.

For the first time since I got my memory back, I woke up from a terrible nightmare.

The next day, Jacob dropped Serena after school, he usually came inside to check on Harry and hold him for sometime. I was determined to cook him a good lunch, I wasn't sure if it was guilt.

He called me as he parked outside, and explained he wouldn't be able to come inside, I suspected he smelled my specially cooked lasagna and refused to join us for the meal.

Serena was in a cheerful mood; she played around and kept performing some songs for Sue and me. She was really so cute. I tried to show her some motherly love. Honestly, I related so much more to Harry, having experienced bringing him to life, and that too brought some guilt.

After playing for a long time, she became exhausted so she dropped herself on the couch. She put her head on the couch and started to drip off. I stroked her hair. Serena's eyes suddenly became fully open like she heard a scream. She set her self up and held the couch cushion close to her nose. She sniffed hard. The more she did, the more she was alarmed.

I was in total confusion, what was wrong with the girl?

"It's a bad smell, mommy"

I held the cushion and smelled it, and I couldn't find anything.

"No baby it's clean"

"No mommy it's like the bad smell of the evil man"

"Evil man?" Was she creating images in her head?

"Yes mommy, the war night, you don't remember?"

"What war Serena?" I was afraid my daughter had an imagination mental problem because she talked with real fear.

"Mommy, I have to call Daddy"

"Ok dear, hold on, it's going to be fine!"

I dialed Jacob's number for her. No matter how pissed he was with me, he would always answer my phone.

"Jake, I think something's wrong with Serena, she is talking no sense" I touched her forehead and she didn't seem to have a fever. "She wants to talk to you"

"Daddy, I smell it" Serena said in panic as I handed her the phone "it's the evil man smell, the one who injured you, on that war night"

Serena then dropped the phone and fainted.

I screamed and Sue rushed from the kitchen.

We carried Serena upstairs. Sue was calm, like she's seen that before. She measured Serena's temperature and pulse and said they were both normal. Serena came around really fast so I was relieved. I hugged her and cried my heart out.

Sue asked me about what had happened, and I told her everything. I thought she would be as confused as I was but she, on the contrary, understood more as I spoke. She stroked Serena's hair, kissed her forehead and told her "Don't worry Serena it would be alright, Daddy will take care of everything, it's not like the war night, I promise, now go to sleep"

Serena nodded and smiled at her, and went to sleep in a few minutes.

Sue glared at me. I tried to put things together till they made some sense. We moved down back to the living room.

"But how?" I asked, "She's a little girl"

"No body knows, your daughter is special, she has very sensitive senses. She would always smell a vampire" Sue said "who was here, Bella, on the couch?"

"Edward was here" I was not ready to share this with anyone but I was too shocked to make up a story.

"What's the war night?" I asked before she started to scold me.

"The Volturi troubles, what else?" she explained, "When you changed your mind, your new choices bugged their leader. The Cullens tried to sort things with him, but one night he sent forces after you and Jacob. It was a bad fight; Jacob nearly lost his life _defending you._ Later Carlisle interfered and reached an agreement with them."

"Serena was there when two of them attacked your house" She added "She smelled them before she saw them, Jacob fought in the house in his human form, afraid to phase around both of you, then the pack joined and managed to pul them out. The pack returned that night, all in very bad conditions, my Leah almost died"

"Oh my God" I sighed, I noticed I was crying, "All that happened in front of my girl."

"Yes. Jacob thought we should keep in touch with the Cullens for updates. Every time she smells a Cullen she goes in the same trance"

"My poor girl"

"Yes, but you" she was upset "Why Bella? Why? And here? Your father's house? How could you?"

I felt so lame, all of a sudden.

Without a knock, the door bust open and Jacob was inside. I had forgotten about his call. He was in rage, or maybe more.

"Are you all alright?" he first asked.

"Yes" Sue said.

He stared at me in disgust. I actually wondered if Jacob preferred us being in danger than the conclusion he now reached. Tears were still falling from my eyes. That was not how I intended to tell Jacob.

I had never wanted, wanted or would ever want to see him such state again. He was deeply hurt, but it wasn't the avoiding, silent pain. Jacob looked scary at that moment.

"I don't fucking believe this" He said streaming to where I was, Sue stood in between and touched his shoulder.

"Jake" She said "Please calm down, the kids are upstairs and you know how Serena's got sensitive hearing, the girl can't go on with another scary scene, specially between her parents"

He breathed, trying to control his anger, all the time glaring at me. He didn't even blink.

"I'll leave you two together" she said again "you both sort this out" she gave me another disgusted look and left.

Jacob sat on the chair, facing my place on the couch. I was still crying. I noticed Jacob staring at my hands and I could see they were noticeably trembling.

"Why are you shaking?" he asked

I sat silent.

"So you are afraid of me?" he asked again "the terrifying monster huh?"

More tears… as my voice wouldn't support me to reply.

"You met him then? You told me you needed space so that you come here and get a chance to be in his filthy arms again?"

"No, Jake" that's all I could say.

"My name is Jacob"

All what we've been through, he had never banned me his nickname.

"Jacob" I said between my sobs "I won't do that, we just had a talk"

Jacob was waiting for more explanations.

"You knew my choice, and I know that it's not your fault, but is it also mine?"

He gave no impression, just the same glaring look.

"I won't do this now" I thought that would make him feel better "I'd wait till Harry is six months, I don't want to deny my-"

"No" he confidently said.

"No, what Jacob?"

"No, you don't wait six months, you want to be a bloodsucker? you do it now, no need to wait"

His words made me dizzy.

"But Jacob, the baby is breastfed!"

"They invented formula milk, and I think this would actually be more beneficial for him than the milk of a _bloodsucker to be_ who plans to abandon him"

Without giving me a chance to object, he shouted, "Sue, please bring me my kids, we are leaving"


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Jacob

"No" Bella screamed hysterically "No, Jacob, please don't!"

"Sue, did you hear me?" I raised my voice, to clarify I was being serious.

"Yes, Jake, I'm coming" Sue replied from upstairs.

"Jacob, no, I'm not ready for that," Bella cried.

I wanted to tell her that life didn't give us what we were ready for, and that those children - our children - were supposed to be our only purpose in life. I wanted to scream at her, shake her, put some sense into her. But in the end I knew – based on painful personal experience – it would be totally useless to try.

Bella was crying hard; her pale face was all red. She stood up and walked towards me. On her way, her leg hit the coffee table so she fell on the floor. She cried harder, and babbled incomplete words between her sobs "Plea… Jaco… I need the… I wan… Har…"

I fought so hard not to join her to the floor and hug her tears away, comfort her and carry her up. Pain twisted inside me to see her broken like that, but it would be pointlessly foolish to do any of that. I knew I had to try to erase it all, erase her all, like we had never existed or the pain wouldn't allow me to go on.

Sue came in holding Serena's hand with her left, carrying Harry with her right. Sue and Serena were shocked when they saw Bella on the floor crying. They both went to her, Sue dropped Harry in my hands on her way.

"Please Jacob, I am begging you, please give me some time, give him time, he needs me"

"Don't cry Mommy, are you afraid of the evil man?" Serena was hugging Bella, stroking her hair. Damn, wish that were I.

Sue looked sympathetic, how bad Bella looked clearly surprised her. I could hardly blame her; I had known Bella for years as a friend, a lover and a husband and had never seen her breaking down that way.

"Serena dear, we have to go home, mommy will be alright," I said.

"We are leaving with Harry?" Serena asked.

"Yes honey, mommy needs some rest" I assured her "come, we have to leave, tell mommy bye"

"Bye Mommy" Repeated Serena after me.

Bella pressed hard on Serena's hand, and I was scared Bella would ask her to stay. I would then be the monster daddy that wouldn't let her stay with her mother, and I really didn't want to go through this now in front of my girl. At last, Bella kissed Serena's forehead hugged her hard, all the time crying with loud sobs. She then approached me, did the same to Harry. As she became near, I tried not to breath, I missed my Bella's scent. Man I am sick with her.

"Bye, Bella" I said walking outside with the kids. I couldn't help but say "hope you find your happiness now". Bella's cries went louder.

I drove the way back to La Push with a pouting Serena and a screaming Harry. I wondered all the time if I had done the right thing. Bella seemed so fragile and my idiotic self was driving me insane with blame and guilt. I knew some of the anger was directed at myself but it was all too much to deal with, and I was sure weeping in front of my kids wasn't an option. 

I parked at Rachel's. I knew Paul wouldn't be back now, but there was a possibility Rachel would. Fortunately, Rachel opened the door to me when I knocked. Her face fell as she studied my expression, and she looked with concern to screaming Harry and teary Serena.

"What happened?" Rachel asked.

"I got formula! Do you have bottles?"

Rachel looked through her garage boxes for Andy's old glass bottles. She came back and boiled them for sterilization. She carried Harry and tried to sooth him with her midwife tricks and it seemed to be working, he was crying less. Thankfully Andy distracted Serena. Rachel's son was two years younger than her, and she loved bossing him around, and the kid was obsessed with her.

Rachel then prepared the formula for Harry. He took the bottle and started sucking; the poor baby was so hungry. Rachel asked me as she fed him.

"What happened Jake?"

"She met him" I said "She was fucking preparing dates with him, behind my back!"

"Who? You're talking in riddles bro!"

"Who else? Edward!"

Rachel laughed, "Jacob, I thought you got over this shit"

"I'm not saying shit, Rachel. He was there at Charlie's, during the night, with her. Serena smelled him and Bella confessed. She said she wants to be with him"

"Oh" Rachel sighed "Suddenly? Just like that? What happened to cause this? Maybe he's been using some tricks on her."

"No Rach" my voice cracked "She's been asking about him since that memory fucking adjustment."

"So sorry Jacob" She rubbed my arm.

Harry stopped drinking and started screaming again. Rachel tried to put the bottle back in his mouth but he would abandon it, and scream higher.

"What is it?" I worried.

Rachel looked at the bottle scale and said "He was starving, so he took a little sip, but he is refusing it now, he wants his mommy's"

Rachel kept trying to trick him into drinking again, but it was no use.

"I can't believe she let him go like that, he needs her, couldn't she wait till he grew a bit?" Rachel said.

"She actually begged me to wait for six months."

"What?"

"Yes Rachel, she did, but how will I sleep every night, knowing my son is in the hands of a bloodsucker to be?"

She didn't reply.

Rachel put Andy and Serena to sleep. I didn't know what I would have done without her. Harry slept in my arms; probably crying put him to sleep. I studied him and he looked so tired. Screaming was such an effort to him. My boy was tiny; he seemed to grow really well those two last weeks. I wondered again if my decision was well thought of.

Rachel tried to make me feel better, chatting and joking around. Paul came back and we all had dinner. I knew it wasn't like me but I had no appetite, every bite tasted sour knowing my son was starving.

The door knocked and I headed to open the door, since I was nearly not eating.

It was Leah.

"There you are, Black" she was annoyed "I've been searching everywhere for your majesty, why aren't you answering your phone?"

I thought about my phone for a while, I remembered I had left it in the car.

"It's in the car."

"Whoa, why is it in the car? Idiot"

She came inside the house, talking with her loud voice. Harry woke up and started crying again.

"Would you please stop it, you woke him up and he's been crying for hours."

"I have what he wants." She said with a smirk.

She then took a full bottle of milk from her bag. "Bella's milk, Mom said you might need this."

Rachel flew in high speed, grabbed the bottle and ran to him. He took it in on the spot and finished it before I could count to 10.

I had always thought I was a good father, but in emergencies with little babies I panicked and it had been Bella's specialty. I missed my Bells.

"Where do I put those?" Leah asked.

She had a plastic bag with small four jars full of milk. She helped herself to the kitchen and placed them in the freezer.

Rachel looked relieved and my boy was silent and relaxed so I felt better. I went back to the dinner table grabbed a sandwich to eat. Paul was already finishing everything.

"Are you really going to eat, stupid? Just like that?" Leah scolded me. What was with her?

"Leah, stop, I cant take this today, my day was horrible."

"Well mine too, alpha, so stop ordering me around and tell me what the hell were you thinking doing that?"

I knew she talked to Bella, so I told her my side of the story. Paul excused himself. He knew it was harder for me to talk about that in front of everyone, but his nosey wife stayed. I finished my story, expecting to find sympathy from Leah's side, but she kept her sarcastic tone.

"So wise, alpha!"

"She is dating him behind my back."

"No dummy, she isn't, he surprised her in the room and she sent him down to the living room and have a talk."

I was pissed with Leah defending Bella.

"What is it Leah? Knock it off, what's your problem?"

"My problem is that my best friend tried to cut herself with a knife and Charlie saved her in time"

My heart sank in my chest and I felt all my body shaking with worry and pain.

"Yes, Jake, thankfully she was so weak already, and she probably fainted before she could cut her self deep"

I fought them since Serena's call, but my cheeks were wet now. Rachel moved herself beside me and started rubbing my back.

"I nearly killed her." I said in disbelief.

"Stop the drama, she is fine now" Leah went on "What was that move you did today? Thought you were the fighter."

"I fought enough, Leah, I know this side of Bella, and I know I can't change her mind"

"You knew this side, and yet married her, completely aware of everything. Don't try to fool yourself Jacob"

"What do you expect me to do? Ask her to give me another chance, date us both on consecutive days?"

"No, asshole, just give her a chance."

"How is she now? Is anyone watching her? I'm afraid she tries again."

"She is fine, I had a long talk with her, also mom is sleeping with her in the room, just to be sure"

"You talked?"

"Yes, you want to know what she said?"

She didn't wait for my reply

"She said she wanted to talk to you since she woke up with her old memory, that she needed you as it was too much to take in, but you would escape her."

"She told me she wants him, she wants to be a bloodsucker Leah!"

"Stupid men" Leah laughed "think about Bella's reaction today, the breakdown, suicide attempt, does she appear to you like a mother who decided leaving her kids? Huh? Answer me? She would feel relieved then, no nervous breakdowns, not all this madness"

Rachel didn't react till that point.

"She has a point brother."

I looked at her in confusion.

"Give her time Jacob" Leah went on "let her heal and absorb everything. Talk to her, show her how happy she is with you."

"I can't"

"Jacob, don't try to fool me, I know you, I've been in your head, and you're partly guilty how you handled things before. But you're doing the same again"

"Stop this shit right now Leah." My voice was high it startled Harry so my sister went to him.

"Ok, let's not press on wounds, I'm trying to help you both heal. I suggested Bella sees a therapist, and Charlie said he knew a good one that they would suggest to crime's victims. And guess what? She agreed and she will start next Friday."

"I can't agree to this Leah, I'm a husband now, I can't take a love triangle, it all sounds twisted. Are you about to suggest a threesome?"

"Eww Jake, hell no. don't accept the triangle. You already have kids that are so sensitive to vampires. Set your rules, alpha. She wants six months with the kids, give her but with your conditions, ask her to move back home to La Push, no Edward dates or calls, whatever suits you."

I wasn't sure how I wanted to reply.

"Listen Leah, since you said Bella got hurt, I can't think straight, can you give me time to think"

Leah sighed and smiled. I never knew when we became that close, but she understood me really well. Damn Bella's friendship with her, I became an open book to one of the most annoying members of my pack.

"Ok alpha, I'll stay to help Rach with the kids, you go check on her, don't worry about your thoughts, the way is clear, Quil was last on Petrol he phased back, just before I reached here"

I ran out of the house, took off my clothes and phased. It was always better dealing with pain and fear as an animal. The wolf helped me; I was more tolerant with his strength. I've been dying to phase all day, but I'd been worried about Harry and didn't want any of the pack in my head.

I reached Charlie's house and smelled Bella's scent. I laid down under her window, listening to her heartbeats. Her breaths indicated she wasn't sleeping. I tried to listen more and I heard her sobs. Was she crying all day?

I wanted to phase back, climb her window, kiss her strongly and take her in my arms. But it probably wasn't a very good idea. First, I could hear Sue's steady breathing in the room and I'm not sure she will appreciate seeing me naked. Second, it probably wasn't the most appropriate move now.

I knew I had to go back, so that Leah can go home, but I couldn't leave my spot for hours. Like I was pulled to Bella's side. I couldn't leave without making sure her crying stopped.

I felt someone phasing and Leah was in my head.

 _Sorry alpha, don't worry the kids are fine. You were late, and I just wanted to make sure you're all right. How is she?_

 _She is breathing fine…. Leah?_

 _Yes?_

 _I'll do it; I'll go on with your suggestion._


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Bella

I was awake for sometime but I stayed put under the covers. There was nothing to get up to. There was absolutely no reason to even open my eyes for. Yesterday's morning had been so different; I had had to urgently wake up after a nearly sleepless night. Hectic, stressful and tiring, but I would take it all back.

What had happened yesterday had haunted me in my dreams. I recalled every bit of it in slow motion in my sleep… Serena, Harry, Jacob, Sue, Dad, and Leah, had all visited my dreams, each with the memory of his/her words, expressions, or cries.

Leah had been so harsh on me. It seemed like we were best friends enough for me to accept her way. I didn't recall a thing about that friendship but I had still taken her strong criticism with relief. Some weird part of me had been eager to be scolded.

Before my lame suicide attempt, Charlie had been devastated I had met Edward like that. He had lectured me about responsibilities and loyalty. His words – though basic and expected – had shaken me so hard.

All those events, but nothing had affected me like the emptiness I had felt when Jacob walked away with the children, _my children_. I had suddenly felt vague, like I was nothing, like I wanted nothing more out of this life. Suddenly my past, present and future had been neutralized, with no taste. I had felt numb for a moment before I realized the truth I had been resisting since I woke up that day.

I had truly and radically changed and it was too late to consider my recent grownup needs.

It didn't take me long to discover I was the most terrible mother ever, intentionally deciding to leave my children's side. It was even worse the guilt got to me only after they had left my life, for good.

Guilt haunted me like a monster until it was so much to bear, and that's when I ran to the kitchen, held the knife and started cutting myself… I was getting dizzy; Sue Screamed and Charlie rushed to me.

Leah had changed 180 degrees after I promised to seek therapy. She had said she would try to fix things. She gave me some hope, though from the memory of Jacob's painful anger, I really had doubted it.

I was still in bed, pretending to myself that I was still asleep, when I heard a knock. It was weird, because Charlie and Sue found no problem invading my privacy several times during the night to check on me. I thought my sick mind was imagining things because I also heard a sound that may be Harry's.

I closed my eyes more, like I was trying to force the imagination away, but the knock was heard again, louder this time.

"Who is it?" I said, still with my eyes closed.

"It's us," said Jacob "Harry is about to be hungry, and I don't want to wait till he cries"

I jumped out of bed with euphoria. Was this a trick? Or Leah did really do some magic?

Jacob let himself in. He was holding Harry in his arms.

"Good morning" He said with no expression.

His eyes stared at my wrist where the wound was wrapped.

"Don't ever do this again, please," he said with care, and I felt my heart sinking to my stomach.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to tell him sorry, but I longed for my son. He handed me Harry and hurried outside the room.

Harry had fed faster and more than he usually did. It appeared like my son was starved without me. I felt bad for my baby; maybe that's why Jacob brought him here after all. Fear filled me when I thought that Jacob's presence here may be nothing more than a visit with a purpose, and that he would take Harry away again.

I was so overwhelmed with contradicting feelings. Leah had mentioned something about post labor depression, she said her workmate had it too and she had used to get suicidal thoughts. She said considering the circumstances, I was the best host for such depression.

I stared at my baby's eyes for a long time; he was gazing into mine too. I stroked his soft cheeks and told him the words that I had wanted to tell his father but couldn't:

'I am sorry'

Harry slept contently in my arms and I then placed him in the crib. Maybe if I put him to sleep Jacob would leave him for longer. I smelled eggs cooking and I wondered if Sue was preparing breakfast for Jacob.

I went down the stairs slow with fear. I was so scared to meet Jacob. I looked around for Sue, but she wasn't around. Jacob was the one cooking omelets. He was obviously preparing two plates.

On the kitchen counter, there was a mug of coffee. He was drinking his as he was waiting for the eggs to get cooked. I smelled coffee and got nauseated with the memories of me trying to drink coffee during the past couple of weeks; since the labor, coffee tasted weirdly bad, and I had wondered if I lost my appetite for it.

'Your coffee' he said, and pointed at the mug.

'Black?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow, and then gave an understanding look, then said

"Yes, you drink it black now"

"Umm" I was about to tell him I didn't like coffee anymore, but I wanted to be grateful for his generous gesture. I had willingly brought another man in our life and he was cooking me breakfast.

I took the mug and sipped and there it was. Like how everything started to feel in place since Jacob walked into my room a few minutes before, the coffee tasted great.

Jacob prepared everything; he wouldn't even let me help in preparing the table. In the end we were both sitting on the breakfast table. The omelets were so good.

"Those are good, Jake" I remembered his anger yesterday and added "ob".

He smiled

'Those are your favorite" He said.

I didn't know what to say.

"Where's everybody?" I asked.

"Charlie's at work, Sue went to run some errands, She thought we need to have a private talk"

"You don't have work today?"

"I had a bad night, so I called Lizzie to take over today"

Who the hell was Lizzie? I wondered silently.

"Serena?"

"At school"

I nodded.

It felt strange and uncomfortable to have barriers with Jacob. I missed him so much so I gathered my courage to say the words

"Jacob, I'm so sorry" I sighed then completed "I was horrible, I am horrible, I was an awful friend, a terrible wife and a heartless mother"

My tears have betrayed me again though I tried so hard to hold them. Jacob was staring at me but he didn't utter a single word.

"I don't know if you will ever be able to forgive me, but if you would let me explain, maybe you will.

I don't know why I rushed into talking to Edward that fast. I guess it was too much to deal with, so I tried to ignore everything and deal as the teenager I'm familiar with. It was stupid, and when I think it over now, I believe I will never leave the children-"

"Bella-" He interrupted me "I'm sorry too"

Jacob was making no sense. I shook my head disagreeing. He absolutely did nothing wrong.

"Jacob what you did was natural, anyone would have done the same, I don't blame you for walking out with the kids, I know-"

"Not for that" Jacob looked nervous, he reminded me of that day when I woke up from the stairs' injury.

I put my hand over his on the table and rubbed it.

"Bella, listen, you have to know what had happened, back then when you lost your memory, would you listen and try to forgive me?"

I nodded; his seriousness frightened me.

"After the fight, we had to tell Charlie everything, it wasn't natural how bad you were injured, and how fast I healed. My dad decided to come clear with his best friend and tell him everything. I supported my father's decision but it was against Sam's will then, and it was the moment I had to take over.

Charlie became in a terrible state when he knew the whole story, he was angry with Dad of course but nothing compared to his anger towards the Cullens. He could then understand the discomfort he had always felt being near any of them."

I was silent anticipating more.

"Charlie banned him from visiting you in the hospital for a long time. When you started to wake up, I was the one by your side. When you asked questions about what had happened, I was the one to tell you. I nearly told you everything, but I set myself in your life the way I had always wanted it to be."

His eyes were on the floor; he couldn't look at me.

"Carlisle convinced Charlie at last, that Edward had the right, being legally your husband then, to visit you. I kept pushing that visit for as long as I could, I wanted to make sure you would perceive him the way I wanted you to. "

The whole story was becoming much more complicated and I couldn't help but sob.

Jacob went on. He was determined to finish the story.

"You remembered me from when we were kids, so you trusted me. You were so lost. Billy and Leah tried so hard to convince me to pull away and let you choose without interference, But damn my stubbornness; I would reply to their accusations saying my intensions were only to save you, but deep inside I knew there was always a part inside of me that longed to have you by my side.

You met Edward at last, and he tried to get back to you. It was nearly impossible with your mindset then, and you demanded divorce"

I was shaking with crying so hard, my hand still on his.

"Bella, I felt guilty when you at last became mine, and I felt like I took your choice away from you. Honestly I'm sure I would have been nobler if he wasn't a bloodsucker, I really never wanted you to live like the dead. But the truth will always be; I did manipulate you like he did and I abuses your weakness."

I was sure manipulating was such a big word, but didn't interrupt him. He looked like her needed to finish.

At last and before we had our first sex, I hinted all that indirectly, but you told me it was nonsense since you were sure you wouldn't love anyone but me. Leah was right, I deluded myself in believing that"

"Jacob, I-"

"Shhh-" he went on, placing his figure on my lips. "Don't say anything now. I have been avoiding this talk since you woke up with your old memory. I was guilty and scared to lose you. I guess it was easier to walk away"

"Jacob, if I'm so truthful to myself, I don't want you to walk away, let's start ove-"

"No Bella, I won't do that mistake again" He said "I am too old now to delude myself, you want to start over because of the children, I made it appear like it's either me or no children, not sure if it was intentional"

Jacob was vibrating hard. I rubbed his shoulder and the back of his neck. He closed his eyes like I was causing relief. It felt familiar to soothe him.

He opened his eyes, started strongly at me, then asked me.

"Bella honestly, tell me, what exactly do you want now?"

I shrugged, he asked me the hardest question ever.

Whatever mistake Jacob had done in the past I don't remember, didn't actually change much in the conclusion I had reached yesterday… I won't live without my kids.

Harry woke up and cried, He saved me from answering. I went up and brought him back down; I missed holding him in my arms. As I came down, Jacob was by the door.

"Do you mind if we take him for a walk in the stroller, I need fresh air" he said.

I said it would be great, I started to feel dizzy myself.

We placed Harry in his stroller and covered him.

As we started the walk, Jacob asked his question again.

"Bella, I wanted to know how you were feeling since you woke up, I wanted to support you as a friend before anything else. I knew you were confused and scared and I chose to ran away, being the coward I am, but here I am confessing it all, so please share everything with me"

"Jacob" I swallowed, thought for a second, then decided to be straight forward "when I woke up, Edward was the thing I thought most of. The last I could remember was how I felt towards him. It took me time to grow up and understand there are other things to love and live for. The way Serena reacted to the vampire smell added another perspective; will I scare my daughter that way?

Right now, nothing is more precious than seeing Harry growing healthily. Away from everything, Jacob, we do have amazing kids"

I started to feel cold, so Jacob asked me if I want him to wrap his arm around me to make me warm and I begged him to. We walked silently for sometime. I discovered now that Jacob was as guilty as I was, and that we both have wronged each other in different ways.

Though what we were saying was so messed up, but it felt much more comfortable to open up to him and talk freely.

"Bella, I have a suggestion, that I believe is fair enough for all parties"

"Yes, Jacob?"

"I agree to give you those six months you requested yesterday. You need proper time to decide what you want. I won't take that from you ever again. I know there will always be the kids, but if you decided to go the other way" he paused as if the thought was painful "I promise we can figure things out with the kids"

"Jacob, I don'-"

"Wait Bella, it's too soon now for you to decide. Leah said you will be taking therapy and that would help. Take your time; let the overwhelming feelings rest. I don't want to influence you choices, I can't take that again on my conscious.

At the same time, I can't be welcoming to his presence in my or the kid's lives for now. So I came up with that set-up"

I pulled away and looked at him, his eyes contained a lot of hurt and I hated that.

"Jacob, I won't hurt you like that again. Tell me what you are thinking of."

"I was thinking you move back home, it's time you get a glimpse of the life you don't remember, and don't worry, I'll be sleeping in the kid's room.

During that time, and regarding the love you still feel with him, I want you to prepare occasional meetings with the Cullens, be around them, and try to evaluate both lives. Be it six months or a year or more, take your time to decide, and I will do my best to support you either ways"

I was sobbing again, this time he wiped my tears with a hand, rubbing my arm with the other.

"What do you think?" he asked.

"I think that I don't deserve you!"

He laughed, then added seriously "Also, because I have a limit to being cool!"

"What?" I asked.

"No meetings with the leech alone, I agree you spend time around them all as a family, but his hands on you before you announce your decision, and I will literally kill him"

I put my hand on his cheek, trying to make him relax "I promise I won't ever do that, Jacob"

"One last thing" He said

"Yes"

"Please call me, Jake"


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

We picked Serena from school on our way back to La Push. Her face lit with excitement as she saw me in the car. She was joyfully giggling, when Jacob told her I would go back home with them. She gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek and stated it had never felt the same without me.

My daughter was adorable.

We parked in front of the house. I hadn't looked around properly the other day, but the house had a very unique location. Greenery hugged it from all sides, with cozy think trees. It was private, intimate and special.

Jacob unbuckled Harry and carried him with one arm, and escorted me to the doorsteps with the other. Just as we reached the door, he looked at me and asked "You ready?"

I nodded.

Jacob apologized the house was so untidy. He joked and said he didn't manage well as a single man. The house – away from the shoes, empty cans and dirty cups scattered everywhere – was so uniquely comfortable. The colors were mostly beige and peach with some teal. It was simple and easy to get used to.

Jacob showed me around; downstairs included a living room, an open kitchen and a toilet. While upstairs consisted of two bedrooms and a bathroom. The larger bedroom was the children's. It had two single beds and a playing area where pink stuffed animals and dolls were scattered on the floor as well as a small desk.

Jacob was in a chatty mood. He was doing his best to calm my anxiety. He told me the large bedroom was originally ours and that we had planned to include a sitting area for us there, but as we were working in the house, Serena's existence had been announced. I had changed everything as soon as I had known I was having a baby. Jacob said he had tried to change my mind but I had insisted on giving our children the bigger room, so that they have enough room to play, draw, and have their fun.

Our room - the room I had woken up in that day - was so warm. A wall was covered in crimson red flowers and green leaves wallpaper, while the off-white wooden furniture had matching paintings. It felt so familiar.

Jacob excused himself to do some grocery shopping. He asked if I'd be all right alone and I assured him I would. As soon as he left, I looked around the house and knew that there were many things to do. I decided to go on with the lower level first, to clean Jacob's mess.

Serena went to play in her room and Harry was sleeping in my arms. I wanted to start, but Jacob hadn't brought the crib in yet. I knew he was still so young to move, but I still was worried to leave him on the double bed all alone. I thought about that for a moment, and then found myself heading to the cupboard in the Children's room. I immediately grabbed a blanket and a sheet and folded them together to prepare a portable floor-bedding downstairs. I did that with confusing expertise and easiness. I don't recall ever doing this.

In an hour, I managed to clean up the lower floor. I washed the dishes, and tidied up the kitchen. It felt like ten men lived in the house alone, not only one. Surprisingly I was still energetic and the kids didn't need me yet, so I decided to cook. Jacob was right, there was nearly nothing left in the kitchen. I found some readymade pizza dough so I put whatever I could find on top and placed it in the oven.

I then went upstairs, arranged the toys in the kids' room and changed the bed sheets. I also had to open the windows to bring some fresh air.

By the time Harry was waking up, Jacob came in.

"Wow, whose house is that?" He commented.

I went down to him, having Harry in my arms. He was unpacking what he got in the kitchen. Jacob seemed lost with the stuff he got, so I handed him Harry, And started arranging everything in its' place.

He sniffed the air and asked, "Something's cooking?"

"Yes, it's a fast pizza, no comments please, because there weren't many options over here" I replied opening cupboards and drawers, placing and arranging stuff.

"It smells good, Serena will be so happy, she loves pizza" he replied

"Oh, thanks for telling me" I replied still busy with the stuff.

I was emptying the last plastic bag, when I noticed Jacob staring at me with an observant admiring look on his face.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Sorry" he said "but… I can't help but notice… you found your way around"

"Mmm, yeah, I… guess" I said shyly.

Once he made his note, I became completely outplaced. I suddenly was asking where everything is, and how everything works. Jacob's comment seemed to awaken my clumsiness back too; I broke two plates preparing the table and dropped the saltcellar. This brought some disappointment that I couldn't bare so I suddenly broke down and dropped to the floor, crying.

Jacob was so petrified. He positioned himself beside me, apologized several times and hugged me. I cried in his embrace till it faded. After a long pause I was up to clean up and arrange the table again. This time he helped me silently.

We had a peaceful meal together. It felt nice to eat with Jacob and Serena, all the time Harry was laying down on my floor bedding beside us. I couldn't help but feel a scent of protectiveness of this little family.

My days at the house were nice. It felt homey for me almost the first day I arrived. I was almost always busy with Harry. Jacob was determined to concentrate on Serena in order not to overwhelm me. I noticed since the kitchen breakdown incident, he became so cautious with his words. Jacob did his best to have his radiant smile on whenever he was home, and as always it managed to make my days better.

Jacob rarely slept. Whenever the baby cried at night, he would knock on the door and ask if I needed help. Sometimes I thought he was worried – considering my mental state – about Harry being left alone much with me, but he always managed to hold himself and give me the assuring 'I trust you' look.

Edward called and texted several times a day. Sometimes he would call me five or six times consecutively. His calls were intensified in the morning while Jacob was at work. Now, I knew it was nearly impossible for me to give up my children, but some part of me still clung to the special love story, and to the fantasy of myself as a strong confident immortal in marble perfect skin. I wanted to go on with the plan Jake had made, hoping to reach a peaceful state of mind. On the other hand, I was so afraid to hurt Jacob. I informed him I was delaying contacting Edward for a while, so that I don't flood myself with feelings...

I decided I would keep my promise to Jacob, as I wouldn't be able to deal with breaking him that way again. Accordingly, I didn't reply to Edward, relieved that he won't just be able to pay me a visit in La Push.

On Friday we had everything arranged. Jacob noticed my distress as my appointment with the therapist approached. He left the shop early, to drive me there. He won't accompany me in the session, but he would wait in the car for as long as I wanted. He asked me if I minded that, and said he just wants to drive me there for support. I was relieved to know he would be around.

The plan was to drop the kids at Rachel. I had known from Leah that Rachel knew everything that had happened and my last encounter with Edward. She was the one Jacob had run to when he had left me. I was so nervous to meet her, embarrassed of whatever thoughts she had about me. Jacob confirmed me that it was stupid and that we are now practically family, but still I preferred to wait in the car as he dropped Serena and Harry inside Rachel's house.

As we reached the clinic, Jacob became stressed himself. I wondered what had happened but he became so tense. He asked me if he could join me up to the clinic. He promised he would leave as soon as I go in so that he doesn't eavesdrop, if I promised to text him when I finish so that he comes and pick me. It didn't make any sense but I agreed as it seemed like he needed this and I couldn't deny him anything at the moment, and also because I myself needed his support.

The therapist was younger that I had expected. Dad said she was good enough to work with people who had bad criminal experiences. She seemed in her twenties and I wondered how a woman her age could manage such cases.

"Hi I'm Dr. Kessler" She said and shook her hand with mine with a warm smile.

"Bella" I presented myself nervously.

She greeted me and told me to have a seat, offered me some juice, then said

"Actually you can call me Chloe" she laughed "the Dr. Kessler thing is a way to say I'm experienced enough to handle the case, when someone gives me the 'you are so young' look" She laughed again and I started to like her.

"So Bella, Chief Swan gave me a brief about your case, he gave me the reports of both of your accidents. I studied the case so I know a lot now about the technical parts but I doubt if this is why you are here. So I want to know the story from your side"

I tried to tell the story as truthfully as possible, leaving the supernatural details. Luckily the situation was messed up enough to make sense without the vampire vs. werewolf opposition.

I talked about everything. How I woke to another world three weeks ago, how I found myself a wife and a mother. I told her about my idiotic stunt of calling Edward and Jacob's reaction. I talked shyly about my suicide attempt and Jacob's latest confession and the agreed upon plan.

Chloe was listening with interest; She didn't give a single judging look, which encouraged me to keep going. She was taking notes all the time.

When I stopped talking she asked if I minded answering some questions, and I told her I didn't while deep inside I was feeling extreme discomfort.

"Are you feeling better now than when you woke up that day or worse?"

I thought for a moment then replied "Better" I said confidently.

"Why?"

"Now that Jacob has told me almost everything, I feel that I understand what had happened, because disorientation was killing me" I sighed and added "also, since he opened up and confessed everything, he became so supportive and it helps, he is my best friend after all"

She was still taking notes.

"Well, some people would look at your situation and say that you are lucky to have tried both options at the same time in a way, can you tell me what do you like most of each of those lives?"

That was a hard question. I had to think for sometime.

She encouraged me to brainstorm out loud if the answer is hard to phrase in sentences. She got two empty papers from a drawer and a pen, and wrote 'Teen Bella's life' on one of them 'Adult Bella's life' on the other.

She said we are going to use these papers through all our sessions, so I will have the option to add and erase whenever I felt like it

"So, Teen Bella's life?" She asked

"I was so much in love with Edward, he was my world and he is perfect. It was like I couldn't see anything else when he was around. His family is strong and full of action. They accepted me though I was much less, I liked the effect he had on me…"

I paused so she moved to the other paper.

I started listing "It's warm, Jacob knows me well, and I love our kids" I couldn't go on, and I started sobbing loudly.

Chloe handed me napkins and asked how often I collapse into tears similarly. I told her minimally once a day. She then asked me if I had more suicidal thoughts and I assured her none of that passed my mind since I became reunited with the kids.

"Well Bella, I don't want to exhaust you, there is enough time and there are many things that we need to go through together. So far I like what your husband suggested, you need to spend time among your old self's life, and see what happens"

She told meth at either choice I made; I shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty.

She clarified that the comparative list was just a way to unleash suppressed feelings, but she will encourage me to choose the option that makes me more comfortable not the option with more benefits.

She walked me to the door. Before she opened it, she asked me if I'm ready to answer one more question, but only if I answer quickly.

I nodded.

"If I asked you to choose one single thing, and give up all the other things that you can have in both of your lives, what would it be?"

Easy "My kids"

She smiled and said, "Everything will be alright Bella, see you next week"

I forgot to text Jacob with the pressure of the session, but to my surprise I found someone else waiting outside the clinic door.

"Edward!" I gasped

"Bella, are you fine? You weren't answering my calls"

"Yeah Edward, it's not appropriate"

"Really?" He said obviously hurt.

"Edward I am sorry!"

"So that's it Bella, you push me out of my life, then call me back in, then just kick me away again this way?"

"It's not like that," I was sobbing even more now.

"What happened to you my love? You were so sensible, what did he do to you"

"Edward- it's not like that, I just need-"

"What do you need, love?"

He approached me and put his hand on my shoulder, it was cold, and I shivered then took a step backwards.

Jacob appeared out of nowhere.

"Bella?" he was angry "I told you to text me"

"Jake, I'm sorry, the session was so stressful, I forgot!"

Jacob looked at Edward with disgust and said

"Why are you here? I talked with Carlisle and told him everything about the plan!"

"I came to see Bella" Edward replied

"You will see her, when she is ready, stop pressuring her, fucker"

"I think pressuring her is so much better than abusing her motherhood and brainwashing her"

Jacob was fuming. He growled and his body was shivering, and Edward was gritting his teeth. I had to interfere.

"Guys, please, I had a very stressful session, I am so overwhelmed with feelings, I can barely stand"

Jacob came to my side and supported me.

"Edward, please leave. As Jacob told you, he is giving me the freedom to choose, please don't add to my stress now"

Edward looked sympathetic with me. He apologized and mouthed that he loved me and left. In a few steps he turned around and glimpsed at me, the pain in his eyes was so clear, it made me hate myself for doing this to him.

I cried and cried as Jacob helped me back to the car without uttering a single word.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Two weeks after I started my therapy sessions, I became ready to plan my first dinner at the Cullens'. I had planned the day with Jacob first, before contacting Alice to set the details. As it became closer, Jacob had become very stressed. I knew it was hard for him to let me go to their place all alone. I understood him so well, It wasn't just jealousy. It was mainly worry, he was the alpha of a wolf pack and his wife was going to be around seven vampires all alone.

So I came up with the idea.

"Jake, do you think Leah would agree to come with me?" I said on the morning of the day I was supposed to be having my dinner with the vampires.

Jacob looked surprised

"I mean, it will be nice if she accompanies me there, even if she doesn't want to come inside, she can wander around as a wolf" I was hoping he understood my indirect message; I meant to tell him I don't mind if she sent him updates through their wolf pack mind.

Jacob's face relaxed. He nodded and smiled and accordingly Leah became an important part of my plan.

"You husband is an asshole, you know that?" Leah told me in the car as we were driving to the Cullens'.

She had told me the story three times already; she didn't want to 'babysit' me there, so Jacob alpha ordered her.

I laughed "I need you with me Leah, I've been nervous about this visit all week, aren't we best friends"

"Ha-ha, so you tell you hubby to order me, if you don't want to go then just don't!" She had anger mixed with her sarcastic tone.

"I don't know anything any more Leah, I have to go, you know I promised Edward, I really wish I didn't stupidly give him hope calling him that day"

"Listen Bella, you don't owe Edward anything. He should understand the situation. You know how I feel about you choosing whatever you want, but you are forcing yourself into this visit and I can see it."

Leah's company was actually stressing instead of soothing me. She sensed how close I was from one of my crying fits, so she shut her mouth up till we arrived.

The house has changed and hasn't changed both at the same time. The furniture and the decorations were new and different from what I remembered, but that slick, cold perfect effect was just the same.

Esme greeted me with her usual sweetness. They were all there when I first came in except for Edward. Their attitude was very inviting except Rosaline, which was accepted.

Alice was so delighted; she said my visit had made her entire existence. She even gave me some gifts for the little ones. I took them politely, knowing that I'll just have to give them away before my daughter smells them.

Esme asked Rosaline to help her with preparing my dinner, I wanted to help since I would literally be the only one eating, but Carlisle asked me for a talk in his office.

Carlisle wanted to explain about my case in more detail. He was the one handling my case before and now. He explained how my memory has been blocked and returned.

"How do you feel now Bella, do you get any strange headaches?"

"I'm fine Carlisle, thanks for asking!" I said then added "No just normal headaches due to lack of sleep, I have a baby now"

He smiled and studied my face.

"Do you get some deja vus when you are at the house or with Jacob."

"Not really" I answered, and then remembered "But sometimes it just feels familiar, like I know the house or where to find stuff"

Carlisle moved his head up and down and said "Expected"

I didn't know what he meant, so I waited for him to clarify.

"Listen Bella, I wasn't hopeful back then that your memory would return, but now that you got your previous memory back, I believe your brain is working now properly." He explained "And I studied the reports Jacob sent me, I told him but he refuses to tell you for now"

"Tell me what?"

"There is no reason for your memory loss now, Bella" he paused as we heard a piano playing. We both knew who this could be.

"Bella, you are mentally blocking your memory, and it will hit you back sooner or later"

Edward was playing my lullaby, I felt dizzy.

Carlisle handed me a glass of water.

"I told him, Bella" he meant Edward this time "But he is still hopeful you may still want to be with him if you now remember how you were together"

My eyes were tearing.

"I know that is nearly impossible," Carlisle added "considering how you were glowing with Jacob, love is just more than my son thinks it is"

Carlisle words shook me. I was glowing with Jacob?

Esme called for dinner, Carlisle asked me not to decide, unless I get all my memory back.

After Dinner Edward wanted to take me alone for a walk. I immediately said I was cold and tired. My thought of being alone with him was too much right now. He stared at me with a painful look in his eyes. Guilt and shame filled me. Old Bella, new Bella, it's the same old brand new me; I hurt the people I love.

My drive with Leah was silent. I assumed she heard everything that had happened inside. Edward insisted we plan my next visit and I told him once every other week would be enough for now.

I went to Charlie's first, to take a bath and change. The plan was always to be sure Serena doesn't smell vampires on me.

Things were improving. My therapy sessions were helping. Chloe was very cool; she would support me no matter what I said. I believed that was exactly the reason I had been progressing. I had been full of guilt and fear of others' judgments.

There was one thing I was becoming more sure of every day; I would never give up on my children. I loved them so much. I was surely blessed with two very special children.

I kept my visits to the Cullens, Leah always accompanying me against her will. Honestly I enjoyed the group company but it was always awkward with Edward. I was becoming more distant from him, but he wouldn't stop trying. By time, those visits felt more like a burden. Jacob noticed and commented, but he never asked me to stop them.

Harry was becoming more aware of the surroundings, now that he was three months old. His first smile was one of the happiest moments in my life. We were sitting on the couch, Serena on the floor watching her favorite show. I was holding Harry in my arms while Jacob making silly faces at him. Harry kept his eyes locked on Jacob for a moment then his lips formed a perfect smile. Jacob and I screamed with victory and I found myself planting kisses on his face for celebration.

Things were quite different with Serena. It had taken me some time. At first, when I had waken up, feeling like an eighteen years old girl, it had been so hard to suddenly have motherly feelings. Now that I was catching up with my age, my love to her was growing every second. I worried about her when she was at school, and she never left my mind nor my heart.

My relationship was Jacob was calmly good. I appreciated him now more than ever. He had done the impossible for me. There had been times, when I'd burst into tears with no reason. He would just hold me till it goes away. Twice I had fallen asleep in his embrace and he had brought me up to bed.

Jacob would put our family and myself on his top priorities. He would leave the shop for the so-called Lizzie for days if he was needed at home. I was so curious about who she was. I had once asked Leah, and she had said Lizzie was a friend of ours that Jacob had met once at the park when he was accompanying Serena when she was two. Serena befriended Lizzie's son while Jacob chatted with her. Turned out she had had many problems – as a young single mother - that Jacob had helped her with. He had also offered her a part time Job at the shop where she had proven trustworthy. "There isn't a thing that Lizzie won't do for Jacob" Leah said. I disliked the whole story. Leah noticed and gave me a wicked smirk.

Renee was visiting us. My father preferred not telling her about the accident and my new old memory update. He told me she had been extremely worried the first time. He said her stress was affecting me negatively and he wanted to spare me her non-stable reactions. I would understand his point, Renee was always an emotional mess, and that was the last thing I'd want in my life right now, being a mess myself.

Renee would have to stay with us. Charlie said she didn't get along with Sue well. That meant we had to act like everything was normal, she would have to stay at the children's room and Jacob would have to appear staying with me. I was nervous about that, but I wouldn't show any discomfort. Jacob had done too much to me by now and I promised myself; I'd kill my self a million times before hurting him again.

Jacob went with Charlie to pick my mother at the airport. I was cooking a special dinner for the whole family. I loved it when we had friends or family over. Sue and Leah will be joining too.

My meeting with Renee was joyful. I had missed her so much. She didn't look older and I was impressed. She was deeply in love with Little Harry after five minutes of spending time with him. She said she can never have enough grandchildren and the thought made me tremble.

I observed how friendly Renee and Jacob were together. Jacob knew my mom so well and treated her like a princess and she would – as always – love it. It was also noticeable she thanked Jacob several times for supporting me and making me happy. Jacob would adorably blush at her compliments, and I enjoyed watching his shy smiles.

After dinner, we enjoyed an outdoor night in the full moon summer night. I looked at the faces around me, and felt a strong sense of belonging. Everyone around loved me and I was so grateful.

When Charlie, Sue and Leah left it was already very late. Serena had already slept and Harry was dozing off in Jacob's arms. I guided my mom to Serena's room and asked her if she would need anything. I then went to the bathroom and changed into my sleeping clothes there.

Jacob was placing Harry in the bed.

"Shh" he said as I opened the door loudly.

"Oops sorry" I smiled

Jacob sat on the bed, and then patted the place beside him.

"Are you up to a small talk before you sleep?"

I nodded

"How are you feeling Bells? I know I never ask you but I want you to know that I worry so much about you, I'm just always afraid to say the wrong words"

I sat beside him on the bed we were both sitting our backs on the pillows both staring at the wall in front of us.

"I'm fine Jake, much more better, really."

Jacob didn't say anything; I knew he wanted to know more.

"Jake, I relate to this life, it does feel like the only life I ever had."

He smiled, put his hand on mine for a quick rub, and then stood up like he was leaving.

"Where are you going?" I asked him

"I'm going wolf tonight, to sleep in the woods"

"No Jake, you need a good sleep, you had a hectic day and we have another long family day at Billy's tomorrow"

"Bella it's Ok I know you are nervous, and to be honest it's not for the best if I sleep with you on the same bed"

"It's Ok Jacob-"

"I'm not sure I will be able to.. you know.. be good" he said shyly.

His face was lit by the nightstand, he looked at the floor and it was so cute. I had an urgent feeling to pull my self closer and stroke his face, but I stayed where I was.

He took off his shirt off, threw it on the floor and headed towards the window. I meant to stop him on the spot but I was taken by how perfect his back was.

I cleared my thought.

"Wait Jake" I could say at last, I'll prepare you a bedding on the floor"

I convinced him to stay, and sleep on the floor. Jacob was in deep sleep in a few minutes, but I couldn't sleep at first. I was enjoying staring at sleeping Jacob.

Jacob was so generous with me. He was bearing the unbearable for a selfish person like me. He looked helpless in his sleep and I felt that urge to protect him from the whole world. I moved myself to the floor beside him, stroked his silky hair. I couldn't resist the warmth of his body, so I just fell asleep on his bare chest.

I woke up in my bed. Harry was beside me sleeping, and Jacob wasn't around. I smelt eggs cooking. I knew by now Jacob's special omelets by smell. I moved Harry to the crib and prepared myself to go down.

Jacob was singing, while Renee and Serena mocked his terrible voice. I laughed along. When he heard my laugh, he locked his eyes to mine, looked at me and said

"Morning, beautiful"

Jacob was obviously in a good mood. I felt some satisfaction in knowing me falling asleep in his arms had this effect on him. I went straight to the kitchen and helped him prepare breakfast. He was back to casually touching me whenever he could but this time it felt so familiar and nice.

Harry – as usual – woke up and cried in the middle of the meal and Jacob volunteered to go up and bring him over. As soon as he left the table, Renee leaned and whispered to my ears "Jake is in a very good mood, did you have one of those nights," She was teasing.

"Mom" I glared at her.

"Yes, yes, I know, you keep on saying Jacob has impressive hearing abilities but sorry baby, he's upstairs with a crying baby there's no way he can listen"

"Mom, please"

"I just can't help but notice how sexy and amazing your husband is, Bella. Tell me how many times you did it"

"He'll be here now, stop it"

"What, you broke the record?" she said and winked.

We had a record and my mother knew, beautiful.

Jacob came down choking with laughter, I immediately knew he had heard. He acted like he was laughing at Harry. Renee was immediately distracted and asked to hold Harry so Jacob gave him to her.

I was trying to make myself busy by clearing the table when Jacob came closer to my back, put his arms around me, and whispered "Our record is 4 times in one night" he then kissed my neck and my body tingled all over.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

She was trembling once again in front of me. How could I be that careless? How did I miss that?

When I came back home, she ran to me, I lifted her up to hug her. The moment she wrinkled her nose, I knew what the problem was. Serena started crying 'the evil smell' and she pulled herself out of my embrace. I figured out my mistake quickly: the scarf.

I had taken the shower at my father's house as usual and changed my clothes, but damn my ignorance I had forgotten the damn scarf in my truck. On the way back home I had felt the cold breeze of the night, so I had wrapped myself with it. As I had reached home I noticed it so I took it off and left it in the truck thinking that would be enough. Seems like the smell had already stuck to me.

"Mommy has evil smell, " She cried to Jacob who looked at me with disgust. He was already carrying our four months Harry, so I took hold of him in order to give Jacob the space to deal with freaking out Serena. Harry screamed in my arms and Jacob carried her out of the house.

I tried everything with Harry to stop his crying. He wouldn't even take my breast. I was sure now Harry was similarly annoyed with the smell. I tried to put a towel between us, to separate him from the smell, it would work for seconds but then he would start to scream again.

Leah came in less than ten minutes; she had left me at Charlie's to shower. I think Jacob called her back. And from the way she looked I knew he ordered her. She was angry.

She came in stumping with irritation. She grabbed Harry from my hands saying she will take him to Rachel's place where Jacob was. She then ordered me to change, confirming she would come back to collect my clothes.

Leah was the one responsible for cleaning my clothes after my dinners with the Cullens. It had been her idea; especially she was capable of making sure the smell was completely gone. She was the perfect best friend, she did everything she could for me and I appreciated that a lot.

I rushed into the shower. I was remembering the events of the day with tears. Damn Edward for giving me that forceful hug. I terrified my own daughter, Jacob was so upset with me, and Leah was the most disappointed, since she was the one who witnessed everything.

They were all wondering why I hadn't stopped my dinners with the Cullens yet. Jacob had said it with his eyes. Leah had mouthed it clearly today with cursing words. I hurt everyday thinking of them, not knowing how to explain. Truth is: my decision had been made, weeks before.

No one but my therapist understood. At first she had agreed with me; I should be able to decide whether or not I wanted Jacob, away from the kids, so that I never feel regrets later. This has been taken care of after my first two/three visits to the vampires.

Then there was the main problem… Guilt.

Chloe had been the one to highlight the problem to me. She had noticed all my crying fits were triggered by guilt. Whenever I would feel content with my current life or get more comfortable with Jacob, I would feel massive guilt towards Edward.

The way I had known Edward's love to me was permanent. How I had left before and was about to leave now. All those thoughts were killing me. Yes, at last I could confess, my interaction with Edward those last weeks was never comfortable, but he would continuously guilt me into visiting more.

Chloe made me see how he had been actually using this guilt. Her theory was: he probably was stressing on his misery, in order to unintentionally push me to stay as much as possible. Chloe thought he was just a weak human, but I knew how strong and planned Edward could be. The more I analyzed her words the more I saw his attitude only as manipulative.

During my previous session with Chloe, we had agreed that today would be my last visit to Edward's family. She had encouraged me, now that I was ready, to get over this guilt, so that I start living.

Accordingly, earlier today I had asked Edward to walk alone with me. I had planned on telling him the news, but he had sensed it. The moment I had started talking seriously, he had distracted me by talking about going back to the Volturi. I panicked with guilt and begged him not to do that and advised him to try to find love elsewhere with someone in equivalent circumstances. He freaked out as I talked, then he suddenly pulled in a strong hug and begged me to visit only once more.

My decision had been final in my head, but his desperate begs waved my plan… One more time wouldn't hurt.

Leah had been around as usual and she had heard everything, she probably had been sending signals to Jacob all the time, that's why he had been annoyed, when I had arrived. Things got even worse when Serena smelled vampire on me.

I finished my shower, got dressed and went downstairs. I found Leah waiting for me.

She was still pissed off.

"Where is Jacob?" I asked.

"He's sleeping over at Rachel's, he thinks it's better if Serena sleeps over it. Are you OK?" She asked.

I nodded "Yeah, in a way"

I didn't want to spend the night alone so I asked her to sleep over. That was what Jacob had ordered her to do. He wasn't comfortable with Edward's reaction and he thought it's not safe to leave me alone.

It was nice to have some girls' talk with Leah, she told me more about her life. For the first time since Harry's delivery she opened up to me. I asked her about her feelings now, and she said she'd been calmer since Sam moved abroad with his family. She was preparing her masters and she tried dating a few guys but nothing clicked.

We woke up early. Leah had to leave for her lectures. And I decided to prepare her a nice breakfast as a small thank you for all her support.

As we were preparing our coffee, someone knocked the door. I was surprised, Jacob was supposed to drop Harry before going to work but he would just come in.

I opened the door to meet a woman around our age that I didn't recall seeing. She had red-golden hair, fair skin and some golden freckles on her cheeks.

"Hi, Bella" She said with a smile, letting herself in.

"Yes?" I said confused.

"Hi Lizzie" Leah shouted from the kitchen and I knew she had just saved me from a huge embarrassment.

I looked at Lizzie again; she was overly dressed up for an employee at Jacob's shop.

"I'm sorry for that, Bella. But Jake called and asked if I can pass and grab him an outfit for work, he said the kids have ruined his clothes, he mentioned he would text you"

He may have texted, I had left my phone on the nightstand, but that wasn't what I was thinking about. My mind was concerned with why was Jacob asking a stranger for such a personal favor and how dare him tell her he was sleeping out.

"Bella, did you hear me dear?"

'Yes, I heard your annoying voice bitch' was what I wanted to say but I nodded and went upstairs instead.

I came back down with the outfit in a backpack. I handed it over to Lizzie. Leah was chatting with her. She looked at the backpack and then she did the only thing I would have never expected; she opened it and checked what was inside.

"Oh that green shirt, I don't think Jake likes it," she said.

I was fuming, Leah for sure noticed

"Lizzie, I think it would do, now please go, you shouldn't be late," Leah said.

As the door was closed, I stormed upstairs to my phone. I called Jacob, and as soon as he picked up, I started screaming

"What exactly is the bitch's job, Jacob?"

"Hey, hey, calm down, what happened?"

"Don't act innocent, are you teasing me with her or what?"

"Bella, calm down, what do you mean?"

I told Jacob about what had happened, and how she had looked into his clothes and checked what his wife had put for him, and commented.

"Oh Bells, sorry, Serena threw up on my clothes, and I needed clothes. Lizzie lives close to our house and Rachel's house is on her way to work so I thought it would be easier-"

"Yes, Jacob but you know I don't like her" Suddenly it was so clear in my head: us fighting many times over Lizzie, how she had shown her care about him, how he had always treated her nicely, how he had justified his attitude as just being a gentleman and how he had always confirmed I was the only woman he could see.

Jacob was chuckling in the phone.

"What are you laughing at?" I asked

"I can't believe you forgot everything and remembered not liking Lizzie!"

"Asshole" I said

"Ha-ha, I missed this Bella, you know what, I'll skip work today, I'll drop Serena to school and then, let me take you out, wanna go to the beach like the good old days?"

Jacob arrived in hour. I prepared everything, lunch, and the diaper bag. I was so excited. We went to the beach close to Billy's house, the same one we had spent hours at when we were young.

We sat on the beach. The weather was amazing and calm. I held Harry in my hands, he was much better today and he was so happy to be breastfed again. My son was growing amazingly. He mainly had Jacob's features, except for the eyes. I mentioned this to Jacob.

"That's a good thing" he said, " At least one of them got those chocolate brown eyes" he stared at my eyes and I was melting.

"You know" he added hesitantly "My worst fears about you changing to.. to one of them is.. Losing those eyes"

"Oh Jake I'm sorry" That's all I could say about all the hurt I'd caused him.

I wasn't crying now like what I would have done weeks earlier. I was getting stronger, slowly but surely I was improving.

"Bella, Leah told me what happened yesterday" he said, are you ready to talk about it.

"Yes, Jake" I could see the hurt in his eyes so I added "I'm sorry"

"Stop saying you're sorry… At first I understood that you were weak and confused, but now..." He sighed, "Bella, every time I sense my strong kicking ass wife is back, she disappears under weakness, and I don't know what to do."

"Jacob, I made my decision, it's you" I said surely

"I know" he said "I know you more than you do, but I can't take seeing you that weak. Bells, Leah told me everything, Why did you agree to his requests, why couldn't you tell him no?"

I moved closer to him, but I couldn't reply

"Tell me Bella, do you still want hi-?"

That's it, I wanted to do this a very long time ago, but I had been shy. I kissed Jacob in a way I didn't know I was capable of. At first he was shocked, but then he kissed me back hungrily.

The kiss I remembered with Jacob was warm and sweet, but this was totally different. The way his tongue penetrated my mouth and his hands moved on my neck and back felt amazing. I surely craved more and he went on, kissing all my face. I put my hands in his silky hair; it was all too much yet too familiar.

Unfortunately, he slowed down, gave me a small kiss on my chin, and then held back.

"Wow" he said, stroking my cheek "I missed you".

"I missed you too Jake" I said then I started kissing his neck and said 'let's keep going" between my kisses.

"No Bella" He pulled back "Not now, I promised I won't do that till you decide"

"Jacob, I decided!"

"Bells, I mean a final decision, I can't take you while you aren't able to tell him you don't want him."

I promised Jacob to tell Edward my final goodbyes next week, I told him everything. How I discovered that Edward was manipulating me in many ways and how I feel weird around him.

We picked Serena from school on our way back. She was over last night. I was so afraid she would still be scared of me, but she was completely herself and that filled me with joy.

That night everything changed, Jacob decided to move to our room. He still wouldn't do any more than sleeping beside me, but his arm wrapped around me gave me so much power.

Now and only now I felt like I was living my life.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Contractions were calmer. Jacob hadn't left my side in hours. We had been in the hospital now for more than seven hours now. I had been six centimeters dilated two hours ago, and it had stopped since then.

Water-break is usually a major sign for labor, but not for me. I had come that day for a regular check up, when Rachel had informed me that I had been more than three centimeters dilated. She had then advised me to go have a large meal, have a walk then come back. I had practically been in labor since then.

I had done what she advised then came back. I was immediately admitted in the medical center since I was four centimeters dilated and it had been progressing fine except for the last couple of hours. My water was not breaking and that slowed down the process. Rachel decided to break my water artificially to start it up. So far the pain had been bearable and Jake kept repeating how proud he was of me.

Once my water broke, I was dilating fast again. Contractions became more frequent and the pain was intensified. I had decided previously to bear it all, I had been so scared of the epidural, after reading about its side effects. Jacob thought I was being crazy so we agreed I'd give it a shot without it then see how things go. That was idiotic because by the time the pain was intolerable, it was to late.

The pushing phase didn't take long. Jacob and I have been to a childbirth class together so we kind of knew what to expect, but no matter how much you listen or study nothing was like the real thing. I was definitely screaming now and Jacob was panicking while Rachel assured us it would be all right very soon.

"Last one, I promise, Push now Bella" said Rachel in a demanding voice.

I did and every tension was released in a few moments, when my beautiful little baby cried announcing her entrance into our world. Rachel immediately placed her on my chest. I gathered my energy to hold her while Jacob placed his hand on us.

* * *

I woke up with confusion, I looked at the nightstand clock and it was 3:00 am. None of the kids were crying and Jacob was sound asleep beside me.

'What a dream' I told myself. I was disoriented because it didn't seem like a dream at all; everything was so clear and vivid. My mind kept waking up with more details about the dream including memories that didn't even happen in the dream. Were these real memories?

There was one way to know, and I sure couldn't wait till the morning, so I rubbed hard on Jacob's shoulder.

"Jake, Jake"

He mumbled undecipherable words.

"Jacob, please wake up its urgent"

He opened his eyes, and looked alarmed.

"What, are you alright?" he asked

"Yes Jake, don't worry we are all fine"

"Then, what is it Bella, Why are you waking me up now?"

"Jacob, I need to ask you something very important."

"What?" The annoyance on his face was obviously undeniable

"Who named Serena?" I excitedly asked

"What the hell Bells, are you seriously waking me up in the middle of the night to ask me this?"

"I'm not crazy Jacob, told you it's urgent I replied, a little upset with his reaction.

"You named her, Bells," he said with a smile

I was silent for a moment, collecting the memories in my head. Jake was staring at me, wondering if there was anything I would add.

"Don't laugh at me, but was I trying to mix our mothers' names or something? Like I wanted a name that would be Sarah and Rene put together?" I then quickly added, "That's so stupid, sorry Jake go back to slee-"

He stopped me by placing his fingers on my mouth.

"You remember that?" He said in disbelief

"The memory of her birth hit me in my sleep, and I wanted to know if it was all real"

"Oh Bella! That's amazing! What else you remembered"

We talked about my dream for an hour; apparently everything about the dream was real even Jacob's outfit when I gave birth to Serena. I remembered more as we talked. Jacob was so happy, happier than I had seen him in a very long time

"Remember when we hid Serena and made Paul believe he lost her," I said laughing

"Ha-ha yes, that asshole, look at him now he's such a good father"

"Jake" I said, with sudden seriousness.

"Yes Bella"

"Why did you stop calling me honey?"

His smile faded, he looked away then replied

"I always want to Bells, you don't know how many times I bit my tongue before saying it"

"Why Jake?"

"Because, I don't know the limits, the barriers, you know" he said hardly

He was still looking away, so I pulled his face towards me.

"Jacob, I love you."

He stared at me expressionless.

"I loved you then, I love you now, I had loved you when I was a teenager, I loved you when I had lost my memory and I loved you when I got it back and I love you now even more having remembered it all"

"Bella" he said huskily obviously holding up his tears.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you all that time, tell me how to make it right"

Jacob leaned closer to kiss me, the kids were both asleep so the chance was good. It was getting closer to morning time, but we just had to do this. I kissed him back trying to show him with every gesture how much I loved and appreciated him. It all ended when Jacob pulled away.

"Please, Jake, I want you" I begged trying to pull him closer.

"I want you too Bella" he was breathing heavily "more than anything, but something is not right. I promised myself I won't be like that with you except when your choice is final"

"It is final!" I said angrily

"No Bella, you promised him one last visit, you couldn't tell him your decision"

"Jake I told you, it's merely guilt!" My eyes were tearful now

"I don't care Bella, as long as you didn't utter your closure words, anything can change."

"You don't trust me, do you?"

"It's not about trust," He said in a harsh voice, he sighed when he saw tears falling from my eyes. He started to wipe them with his finger.

"Listen Bella, I am sorry this hurts you. I trust you; you are the mother of my children. But from day one, I knew he would manipulate you into wanting him, and he did actually make you change your plan. You were about to tell him your final goodbyes, when he played on guilt."

"How weak do you think I am?" I asked accusingly.

I pushed his hands away, wiped my tears myself and stood off the bed.

"Jake, I'm sorry you think I can be manipulated into changing my mind. Jacob I took all that time to be sure what I want, and when I tell you it's you, I am sure it is"

I said those words and walked away

"Where are you going?" Jacob asked trying to pull my arm, as I pushed him away

"I'm sleeping with Serena, I don't deserve your bed if you don't trust me, please let me leave, I need time"

I walked through the door, then remembered something, so I came back to bring my mobile phone. Jacob was watching me in silent fear.

* * *

Instead of going to the other room, I went downstairs. I brought some milk and went to the living room not even caring to turn on the lights; the sun was about to rise anyway.

I couldn't resist the tears. I cried again. They weren't tears of confusion, anxiety or guilt, I was crying because I discovered that something incurable was broken between Jacob and I. I thought I could make it up to him but I was so scared that I was too late.

I was so true with my love declaration. I knew now that I have loved him all the way, but he was the one to discover that first. Jacob had known I loved him all the way, and he did all what he could to make me see that I loved him, and now that I could feel it, he was too hurt to forgive me.

I was angry with him; I told him in a blaming tone that he didn't trust me. I made it sound like it was his fault. Poor Jacob, he was probably so nervous now, and there was nothing that I could do to make him trust me back. Even when he believes me, he just can't trust that I won't be manipulated into changing my mind.

I hated to admit it, but Jacob was right in many ways. Now that I have a more clear memory for my past, I can see that I knew from the start something unnatural was pulling me away from Jake. To his credit, Edward had told me from the start "Everything about me invites you in".

No, I told myself. I won't be that weak again. I decided and I would now try to undo my mistakes.

I dialed the number.

"Bella" said Edward's voice, "What is it? Have the dog harmed you?"

"Edward, would you please respect my husband?" I said firmly.

"Do you want to visit today?" he asked in the most charming voice possible "Carlisle and Esme have been missing you"

I was seeing it clearly now, he was using my appreciation to his parents.

"Edward, I won't come" I spilled the words so fast not giving him the chance to interrupt. " The decision have been made, I love my husband and I love my children, so much really. And I know I was so mistaken to have given you hope but I really was lost and disoriented then"

"He's back to threatening you, using the children, huh?"

"No Edward, listen-"

"No Bella you listen, we can always reach a deal, I wont cut your kids out of your life."

"Edward you are making it harder on you and on me, there is absolutely no way we could reach a deal because my children just freak out from the smell of vampires, I wont do this to them ever again. But above all, it's not just about them, I love Jacob, I had loved him all the way"

Edward was silent

"Edward, remember after the battle, when Jake was injured, remember when you told me you've never seen me that upset separating from someone. You were right, I will never be able to leave him, I'm sorry"

After around a minute, Edward replied in a threatening voice.

"No" then he laughed "Not that easy, he had put a good fight and I won't just retreat"

Then he hung up.

My heart was pounding and my hands were trembling. I was very cold and I just wanted to feel the heat again. I knew what to do so I went back to my room. Jacob was totally asleep so he hadn't heard my call with Edward. I put myself beside him and he unconsciously hugged me right away. I knew Edward's tone should have frightened me but I was so relieved. I couldn't wait to tell Jacob what had happened. I only had one hour before Harry would cry for food, but I decided to sleep anyway.

* * *

Before I could rest, wolves were howling loudly. I shivered and Jacob woke up in panic. Before he could talk someone was knocking crazily on the door. Instinct ordered me to carry my son and go to Serena's room; I wanted both my kids in one place. Jacob went down to answer the door.

Soon enough I heard Jacob screaming my name.

I carried both kids and climbed the stairs down, it was Embry, and Jacob's face and body were red.

"What is it Jake?" I asked in fear.

"Have you contacted the leech?"

I remained silent.

"Have or have you not? answer me right now" He was screaming and both kids were crying.

"Yes" I finally answered.

"What the fuck Bella" He was boiling.

"What is it Jacob, don't scare me please" I was shivering.

I believe Embry pitied me so he answered instead.

"Two of the Cullens have crossed borders today, they aren't killed yet, they are just held in hostage. Thankfully Jacob always wanted two wolves awake so Quil and Collin smelled and caught them earlier, The Edward seemed to be up to no good"

"Oh my God" I managed to say. "Jacob I just called to tell h-"

But he didn't listen because he had run out of the door followed by Embry. They both phased as soon as they were out of the house.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I froze on the stairs in complete panic.

I was so shocked to move, and both kids were crying and clinging to my arms. It took me a long moment before I became even able to sit down on the steps. I hugged my babies and they both rested their heads on my chest. They calmed down a bit as I moved both my hands in harmony stroking their hairs.

"Mommy is it dangerous?" asked Serena when we all became calmer.

I thought before replying because I didn't want to scare her, but I didn't want ever to lie to her.

"It will be alright baby" was all I could say.

"No mommy, it's about the evil man who wants you to leave us and be with him," she said hugging me harder.

I knew I had underestimated my daughter, because she seemed to understand every single thing. I was so troubled to answer her but I had to.

"No, no, baby, I will never leave you, it will be fine in the end, just trust your daddy and uncles!" I said in the calmest tone I could voice.

My phone started ringing. I knew it had to be related to the events, so I ran with the kids to see who the caller was; it was Carlisle. I freed my hands quickly and answered him.

"Hello" I answered.

"Bella, I need to talk to Jacob right now, is he beside you?" he asked in urgency.

"No Carlisle, he left now, what happened? Why is Edward here?"

"Oh no!" he paused "Bella, did he cross borders already?"

"Yes! What happened?" I said with a cry.

"I have no idea about the details," he said, and then he explained "I just came from the hospital, we had an emergency, and I found now a note from Alice. Apparently she saw Edward talking to you, then he disappeared so she knew he was planning to go to La Push, so she followed hoping she could to stop him"

"Alice?" I questioned, "Oh, this is so bad" I said in pain.

"Did he harm them? Damn it, I think should come" Carlisle said.

"No Carlisle, please don't, it will make things worse, I'll try to handle this" I said.

"Ok, Bella I hope you are right!" he replied.

I ended the phone call with an outline of a plan. I had to stop Jacob from breaking the treaty. Whatever Edward was up to, it was lame and he probably just wanted to trigger more guilt out of me. It didn't deserve at all losing the peace that had been for years between the wolf pack and the Cullens. I was also so worried about Alice; she was so innocent in all of this.

My plan was to drop Serena and Harry at Rachel's, and then try to get some information out of her. Her husband was most probably with Jacob too.

"Come Serena we have to move fast" I carried both my kids again, and headed towards the outside.

The door opened, as I was about to let myself out. It was Embry and I felt relieved since I believed his presence was ought to make my plan easier.

"Hey, what are you doing?" He asked in anger.

"Embry, please help me!" I pleaded.

"Actually I'm here to take the kids to Billy's with the rest of the families, Jacob said you're free whether you want to join or not, he won't force you" Embry said.

"Seriously? What on earth is that about?" I shouted.

"Well I didn't believe his thoughts but you were about to run away with the kids, weren't you?"

"Embry are you crazy?" I said in disgust "Stop the accusations now, and please help me reach Jacob. We have to stop a disaster, you can't break the treaty like this."

Embry was not listening he grabbed the kids out of my hands, I tried to fight but he was stronger. The poor kids started to cry again.

"Embry please, don't do this to my babies. Listen to me! There's a misunderstanding. I called Edward to tell him bluntly I don't want to be with him, he became crazy with jealousy and Alice followed to stop him!"

Embry looked confused but he walked away with the kids anyway.

"Please think it over for a moment. I just stopped Carlisle from coming along. One person's hasty reaction based on a moment of jealousy can't just break years of peace!" I tried to reason with him.

Embry sighed "Listen Bella, I was ordered, I can literally do nothing else before I drive the kids safely to Billy's. Come with me now, and when we reach I'll phase and try to reach Jacob, deal?"

I had no other option but to follow him. We took my car, as it would be faster since Embry wouldn't be able to escort us all as a running wolf. When we arrived I saw Leah in her wolf form, she was guarding the house.

* * *

We entered Billy's house in minutes. Everyone was there with Billy, Rachel, Kim and their children, Old Quil, even my father and Sue. The news had travelled fast because everyone was looking at me with either disappointment or disgust. I was so drowned in fear to consider defending myself.

I had so many scary questions in my head; what if someone got injured because of me? What if Carlisle and the rest of the Cullens came to fight? What if Jacob got hurt? What if Edward came near my kids? I turned to Embry and begged him to go on.

He ran outdoors and I was left alone with questioning eyes. Serena ran to Billy's lap and I put Harry down on the floor. Then I walked towards the doorstep, waiting for Embry, what was taking him so long?

"So you dropped the kids and you are leaving now?" Rachel asked.

I looked back to them all, every pair of eyes was looking at me with accusations. It was obvious how little their faith was in me, even my own father. It hurt so much.

"Mommy, are you leaving with them?" Serena dared to ask again.

"No Serena!" I replied in tears "I told you, Mommy would never leave you"

"But you want to be with the evil man, don't you?" she asked.

My heart sank to my knees, no; my little daughter wasn't clueless at all. She was scared of abandonment all this time, and it was entirely my fault.

Rachel ran towards my daughter then she hugged her to comfort her. I was about to storm my anger against Rachel, when Leah entered in her human form. Embry, human too, followed her.

"Bella we have to go" She said.

"No, Leah you heard Jake." shouted Embry.

"Yeah, he ordered you but not me, let's go Bella," She said in confirmation.

"What happened?" I asked them both.

"He won't listen!" said Embry in disappointment.

"He may listen to her," Leah explained to him.

"I wont let you go" Embry's tone was getting higher "It's not safe for both of you!"

"Hey, hey what the hell is going on?" My father interfered.

"Listen Bella" Leah went on ignoring the audience "He wont listen to Embry, I heard Embry, I know what happened. You are right, that's not worth breaking the treaty. Both bloodsuckers are still alive now and we have to go stop them being killed"

"Won't someone explain?" Billy was losing it.

"Bella called Edward to tell him her final choice was Jake" Embry went on "he got jealous and came here without thinking and Alice followed trying to stop him"

"So you aren't really leaving?" Rachel asked me happily.

Leah cut my reply "Now we have to go, Bella convinced Carlisle not to come for now, so we have to stop the disaster."

"No" Charlie said putting his arm around my shoulder "you won't take her there, you know what happened the last time she was between them"

"Dad, but if it turned into a real battle, Jake will be in danger so is everyone else, trust me" I replied calmly.

"No" Embry said, "Jacob will kill me."

"Emb," said Leah "We can't stay werewolves forever. If the peace is broken, we will be in it for life, I won't let that happen when I can stop it"

She then turned to Charlie,

"Don't worry chief, I'll be with her, no harm will happen."

She grabbed my hand and forced me to run out of the house towards my car.

* * *

Leah parked and told me we were close. She then explained she'd have to phase at the last minute, in order not to give Jacob the chance to order her away. She pointed towards the direction we should be going in case Jacob could stop her. As soon as Leah phased I heard a loud howl and I shivered because I knew it was Jacob. Soon enough the wolf Leah was slowing down, and I realized what that meant.

"Jacob" I screamed, "We are already here, and you have to listen to me" I talked as I kept walking, and Leah was moving beside me again.

I approached the scene. Alice and Edward were standing close to each other. Quil, Paul and Seth – in their wolf forms were rotating around them in a full circle, not leaving any room for them to escape, on the other side from where we approached wolf Jared was standing alarmed.

"Bella" screamed Alice as she saw me. "Please help, we don't mean any harm, Edward was just frustrated."

"Shut up bloodsucker" Jacob was emerging from the woods in his human form.

"Bella" he shouted "Why are you here? My words were clear, go home now!"

"Jacob you can't order me and you have to listen to me," I shouted back.

"Go home with Leah, right now" he screamed.

"Jake, please think about this. If you kill any of them, the treaty will be broken and you will spend all your lives fighting. Is that the future you want for your friends? Yourself? Our children?" I tried to reason with him.

"I'm so surprised you care that much about the children!" he said bitterly, and his words stung.

"Jacob" I said holding my tears up "Stop this!"

"He will never change, and he will never deserve you." Edward interfered.

"Shut up Edward" I tried to make sense to both of them "you are both letting your jealousy drag both your families into hell."

I paused then talked to Jacob alone.

"Don't break the treaty," I begged.

"I wont Bella, they did when they crossed the line." He said with a smug face.

Leah was still beside me; I thought she was ordered to stay on the side.

I came closer to Jacob and had the courage to hold both his hands in mine "Jacob, please, can we have a moment alone?"

"Bella it's dangerous" he said, obviously less angry.

"You have five wolves here and they are just two vampires and we won't be far away, I just need to talk to you in private" I pleaded.

"Ok." He lifted me up and ran.

When he stopped, he put me down, and nodded giving me the sign that it was safe now to talk.

"Jake, I get you don't trust me, and I understand you won't easily be over what I did to you, but please try to listen."

He looked at me with so many emotions in his eyes.

"You know why Leah helped me here?" I asked, "She's scared of this life. You will have to remain wolves forever. We will all be living in wars. Do you want this life for us Jake?"

"Well, Bella, I won't accept them breaking the rules just because I'm too afraid to fight. I know you think they are nice, but they are still vampires. I also don't think I can live safe, if they think they can come in and out that way, we should react."

"You do have a point, but he came here frustrated, and Alice was just trying to help" I replied.

"They are now so scared" I added, "Maybe the fear they are in now is enough. I'm not suggesting you let your guard down, just give them a chance and if they did it again, I'll be fighting with you"

He chuckled "Oh that will make them scared!"

"Yes" I said with pride.

"I'm just so angry, what was he thinking coming to you?" Jacob asked

"I have no idea, he probably wanted to talk in person and try to guilt me again," I said. Then I begged one more time "Please Jake!"

"Ok, I have one condition, Carlisle has to send him away for a long time." he said

"Yes chief" I replied in agreement.

Suddenly Jacob became stiff, he cursed then phased.

I then heard Alice's voice, "Bella, take care, I don't know what he's thinking" She was running against us.

"Go home Bella" Alice said in despair "Edward tricked Seth, he ran through him and they are all after him, and I can't see through them."

Jacob stood protectively in front of me but it wasn't enough. Two cold strong hands grabbed from my back, I couldn't move my hands as I started to scream but I the pain stopped me… Sharp teeth bit me in my neck!

Jacob pushed the body away; he was over him joined by Leah and Quil as they started breaking Edward into pieces.

I would have never expected Edward to harm me that way, after all his love to me.

It took me a second to figured it out, Edward wasn't killing me or sucking my blood, he had a completely different plan. He was taking away the option of me choosing my family.

Jacob was right and again I was too late, I only realized that as the venom started burning my blood.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I had experienced the same pain before with what had happened with James. I thought this would make it expected, but it was like my memory had blocked the intensity of the torture. The sensation of fire moving inside me since Edward bit me and how it was traveling through my veins was vividly traceable. I was getting weaker with every breath, and I knew I would have fainted if the pain would let me be less conscious.

Jacob's human hand was brushing the hair from my face. I looked at him with teary eyes. I didn't know what to expect between us afterwards. I looked at his panicking face while he watched over me. I was feeling his tears while they were falling on my face.

"Jacob, no" Alice screamed "Make them stop please, he can help"

The wolves weren't even listening to her. The sounds of Edward's body being destroyed were still hearable.

"Please Jacob, he is the only hope to save her" Alice went on.

"Maybe we should listen to her Jake" It was Leah this time.

Jacob growled at her.

"Bells are you still here with me?" He asked in pain.

I managed to nod.

Jake left my side and it was painful. He was talking with Alice, Leah and the others. I was aware of that since all my senses were fully awake. The pain intensity required all my sensations.

"You do it bloodsucker, can't you?" Jacob asked with demand.

"I don't know." Alice answered "Not sure if I will be able stop."

"Oh yes you will, we will tear you apart if you didn't" he threatened.

"Jake, hold on, if she's scared of us she won't be capable of doing it." Leah tried to calm him down.

"We have no fucking time, I can't trust her" Jake said in despair.

Then he asked again

"Is it only about sucking the venom from where he bit her?" Jacob asked.

"Yes, I will just have to stop when I taste her clean blood" she answered.

"I'll do it" Jacob said in persistence.

I wanted to scream at them: No. This shouldn't happen. Thankfully, Alice said what I wanted to say but couldn't.

"It will kill you Jacob, you now it's poison to you"

"Not if I spit it out" He said, his footsteps getting near.

"No, Jake no." it was Quil "we won't let you do it."

"Let me try to do it, it will be safer" Alice said again.

"No, I won't risk it. I already risked her life agreeing she stays here" He replied.

Jacob bent over me and I tried to tell push him, but didn't find the energy to move my hands. I opened my mouth to scream at him but my voice escaped me.

"Ready, Bells?" he said while getting nearer. I was feeling his breaths on my neck. I was suffering as I tried but couldn't move.

No.

Jacob wasn't going to risk his life for me. Someone please stop this good human being from getting hurt for a woman who let him down all the times she could.

It all went clear in my head at that moment. All the heartbreaks I caused him and all the times I tuned my back on him for the wrong reasons.

Jacob started sucking through the bite on my neck. He started slow, and then went faster. He would stop to spit on the side then come back. His body was vibrating as it was hard for him to bear the vampire venom in his mouth.

I felt the venom being sucked; the pain was diminishing, from my whole body to the spot where Edward bit me, until it faded.

Just as I had thought; the pain was keeping me awake, as soon as I felt relieved, the whole world went Black.

* * *

It was so silent around me except for the distant beeps of the hospital devices. I opened my eyes to find myself in my room. I was a little disoriented at first and it took me a moment to realize that I wasn't connected to any hospital devices.

Serena was lying beside me on the bed, while Charlie was asleep on a side chair.

I immediately wondered where Jacob was and my heart fluttered that it was hard to breath. I tried to get up to search for him, but I couldn't find any strength to move.

'Dad' My voice was weakly husky.

I gave a few coughs then called him again.

'Dad… Charlie… Please wake up' I said with a raised voice.

He opened his eyes, and smiled with relief.

'Oh Bella, thank God you're fine"

But he wasn't fine, something bad had happened.

"Jake?" I managed to ask within my fear.

At that moment Carlisle entered the room.

Wait...What?

Carlisle was in my home? In La Push? Was this some sort of joke?

"Bella" He let out a relief sigh "I wouldn't have forgiven myself if any harm happened to you. How are you feeling?"

"Carlisle?!" I gasped "Why are you here?"

"Please tell me first how do you feel?" He asked with his usual decent manner.

"I feel dizzy" I replied.

"Normal, you survived a huge thing!" He said

I was afraid to ask because everything about the situation screamed bad news, but I had to anyway.

"Where's Jacob?" I asked "Is he fine?"

Carlisle sighed, not with relief this time, and then replied:

"I have no clue Bella, what happened was so unique."

I managed to get off the bed, that's when my legs wobbled so my father and Carlisle rushed to hold me, and surely Carlisle reached me first.

"Easy Bella, you aren't strong enough to move." said Charlie.

"Dad" I said within my tears "I have to see Jacob."

Charlie hugged me and tried to assure me but I knew from his looks, his voice, and his body language that it was all wrong.

"Is he.. Is he.. d-" I tried to ask.

"No, Bells" My dad said giving me a supportive pat on my shoulder.

"Listen Bella, What happened is one of the strangest things ever." Carlisle went on "Jacob spat most of the venom he sucked out of you. We don't know if it's the after effect of it being placed in his mouth, but I most probably suspect that some have leaked into his system"

I couldn't react, my Dad kept his hand around my shoulder.

"He passed out as soon as your blood was venom free, you are far better than what happened previously with Ed-" He paused then corrected "with James, because a big amount of your blood was sucked back then"

I shivered at the memory but didn't want to react in a way that would make Carlisle hold back and not tell me the rest of the story.

"But Jacob knew when your blood was clean so he stopped and he lost conscious immediately."

"Thankfully the pack trusted Alice enough to call me; there was no other way he would have been breathing now if they hadn't."

"His heart was slowing down when they brought him here, I made Rose and Jasper help me set an operation area in here"

"I did all what I could think of: gastric lavage in case it was about venom slipping inside his digestive system and complete blood transfusions, luckily he's AB+ so he could take from all"

I was letting the story sink in, but it was too much to handle, I didn't want to hear about the medical procedures, I wanted the results, I wanted to hear Jacob's voice.

"I won't torture you with the details, his heart caught up. His blood pressure, heartbeat and mostly every other thing is stable now… He just won't wake up. And I can't figure out why."

I sobbed at his words, I tried to speak but it was hard to say anything when the truth was that horrible.

"Right now, I'm watching him, and putting him on mechanical ventilation. He is breathing fine but I'm just being cautious."

"I want to see him." I said.

"You will, he's in the other room, but not now, let me do some tests to make sure you're alright"

"No, please Carlisle first let me see him"

* * *

Leah offered me some water, she looked so pale herself. Apparently they had all donated blood for Jacob. She asked me to try to be calm because everyone wasn't under control. I tried to guess what her words meant, but my head wasn't clear enough to think properly.

She helped me out of the bed along with my dad, and supported me to walk to the kids' room.

I gasped in horror at the scene in front of me.

The room that was peaceful and joyful less than twenty four hours ago was now an ICU. I looked at Jacob and shivered.

Billy was on his wheelchair on Jacob's side, beside him stood Rachel. As soon as they saw me they gave me a hurtful blaming look that went straight to my heart.

Billy started wheeling himself out.

"Let's go Rach, call the guys to bring me down" He then added "Someone has to be staying here with them, she can't be alone with him, and she's capable of causing his death"

I trembled and Leah's hold tightened around me.

"Knock it off, Billy" Charlie said, but I gestured to him to stop. The last thing I wanted now was a fight between my father and Jacob's family.

Rachel and her father left the room. They passed my side and managed not to glance at me, like I was transparent.

Leah grabbed me harder as she tried to smile to comfort me. They helped me to a chair beside him. I sat quietly and started staring at Jacob's still body in loss.

Leah asked me if I needed a moment alone and I nodded. My father wasn't so comfortable about it, but I smiled at him to assure him I was fine.

As soon as they left the room I let my loud sobs out.

Jacob looked helpless in his still sleep. I recalled a very long time ago when seeing Jacob sleeping made me feel a powerful urge to protect him from the whole world. Right now it felt like a dagger was twisting inside of me with this urge.

But how can I protect him when I was the main cause of all the harm that reached him?

I held his big strong hand in mine and stroked it as I saw all the signs of the many cannulas were placed all over his veins.

"I'm sorry Jake" I whispered "I'm so so sorry"

I let my tears fall.

"If only I had listened to you, if only I could trust your vision"

My sobs were getting louder now and they took control of me, I was trembling and my head was dizzy.

"Damn it Jake... Wake up and I promise never to go against you, wake up and I'll never leave your side, wake up because I'll never be able to manage without you…"

I cried harder and louder. Leah came in with Carlisle. She ran to my side and hugged me and I cried harder in her embrace.

"Bella, please be easy on yourself, you need some rest." said Carlisle.

I knew he meant good, but he was completely against what I believed. Someone like me deserved nothing but pain. Surely I deserved that kind of pain but certainly Jacob didn't.

* * *

I woke up in my bed again. It was late in the night; apparently I could sleep after Carlisle gave me a sedative. A small gentle hand was stroking my hair. I turned my head to find Serena by my side.

Serena was similar to me on the inside even more than she was on the outside. She was taking care of me like an expert, the same way I did for my mother. I cringed as I remembered how out of place I felt all my childhood due to the duties I carried on my small shoulders.

I looked at my daughter and swore to spare her all that. From now on I will never let my daughter worry about me. She should be playing and laughing and leave the worry to us the adults.

"Hey, mommy" She smiled at me.

"Hey baby" I tried to assure her.

"Are you fine mommy?"

"Yes Serena, I am. why aren't you sleeping baby it seems late in the night"

She frowned then answered.

"I'm scared mommy; I don't know what Harry and I would do without you or daddy"

I gathered my strength to grab her on my lap. I rested her head on my chest and started to stroke her hair.

"Baby, I'm fine, your dad will be too, we just have to hold on to faith"

"How do you know?" she asked

"I pray, Baby."

"How do you do it?" she asked again

I held her hand, looked up to the sky

"Please God, Please angels, make Daddy wake up and be fine" I said with surprising belief.

She repeated after me and rested in my arms. I then started to sing to her. The lullaby came easy to me though at first I didn't recall singing it before. When I remembered I realized I hadn't sung for her since Harry was born.

Serena slept, and I drifted away soon after.

* * *

Sue woke me in the early morning. She said we ran out of frozen milk, so I had to feed Harry. It was ok because I felt some strength inside me. I don't know how I knew it, but I knew Jacob will be fine and I knew I will gain his family's trust back and I knew I will make it up to him every moment for the rest of our lives.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I felt unique that day. A very weird strength was glowing inside me. It could have been the experience of nearly turning into a vampire, or maybe the way I knew I should gather myself to cover for Jacob's sleep, but mostly I think it was the determination I had to set all what I had wronged right.

I entered the room where Jacob was. I held his hand and prayed. He was as still as he had been the day before, except that many of the needle holes that were scattered all over his arm were healed. I didn't know anything about medicine for sure, but I thought his arms healing could be a positive sign though it was a bit strange that some of the scratches were still there.

"I promise it will be alright, Jake" I said then kissed his forehead, and I noticed it was less warm than the usual, and I wondered it it's something to worry about.

Sue and Charlie had stayed the night in the living room to be help around, they had just slept on the couches and I knew how uncomfortable this could be. Leah and Embry were running around in their wolf forms.

I knew from Sue that Edward was torn into pieces, and luckily Alice's presence was so much in our favor. As soon as Carlisle heard the story from her, he announced he is bound to the treaty if the wolves were able to forget what Edward had done. I was relieved that we didn't have to fight with the Cullens after all.

Billy had come to visit us early in the morning, he was accompanied with Rachel and Paul. They all gave me the blaming look and the avoiding attitude. I understood their reaction, as much as it did hurt. But what was so annoying was how Billy was treating Charlie. Why was he determined to treat us both the same way as if we were the same person?

"So you just come, storm into the house without a single greeting?" Charlie asked in anger. Oh my dad was pissed.

"The one I'm here to visit isn't able to reply to my words. Surprisingly, the reason is known to us all" He said while glimpsing at my side and I swallowed hard.

"Billy, would you please stop this bullshit!?" Replied Charlie in fear, he was obviously worried I'd crumble and faint.

"He should let it out Dad" I said calmly "I understand" I couldn't raise my eyes to look at any of them.

Leah and Embry then stormed in their human forms. They helped Paul with Billy's wheelchair. That's when I got a nice idea, that may give me a chance back to Jacob's father's heart.

I tried to ignore the negativity and focus on different ways to be positive. I did my best to think of things that Jacob would have done if he hadn't been injured. I called Lizzie to arrange the store working hours. I told her there was a family emergency that made him leave the country urgently. I asked her if she can extend her working hours for a week till he returns, and she gladly accepted. Maybe we could be friends after all.

Carlisle came in to check on Jake, he said he was stable, but there were no signs of him remaining unconscious for long. I told him my observation about Jacob's temperature, he gave a discomforting sigh and remained silent. As I showed signs of panicking he said that it may be normal since he and the wolf were resting.

His words were alarming but I tried to hold on to positivity. He told me not to worry and confirmed that it's more probable that Jacob wakes up soon.

* * *

I decided to have my family and Jacob's all for dinner. Seth joined us later after his work. He was still so guilty about Edward slipping through him. I tried to comfort him telling him that we could all have been deluded by Edward and his charm. I felt so conscious saying that considering all the eyes that were deeply looking at me.

I meant to cook all Billy's favorites. The man was in love with my spaghetti with meatballs, so I prepared them along with salad and roasted chicken breasts. He tried to be angry with me but as I expected just like his son he couldn't resist the food.

After the meal, Rachel gave me a very formal 'thank you' then she was helping Billy outside the house when I announced my plan.

"No Rachel, I think Billy should stay here and be close to his son" I said.

My dad looked at me with shocked eyes, and if I were to confess, I loved the surprise in his look a little bit too much.

Billy remained silent while Rachel replied to me.

"I don't think so, he can't stay here Bella." She said coldly.

"Oh yeah? Why not? It's his son's house!" I replied with a smile.

"But you know, he wont be comfortable!" she snapped

"I have a plan Rachel, he would stay in our room, we have a minibar upstairs along with the bathroom, and he will be beside Jacob and there won't be any need him to come downstairs during the night" I talked calmly, and I could see I impressed them all.

"Oh yes grandpa, please stay" said Serena with puppy eyes.

Billy smiled at her that's when I knew he was thinking about it.

"But there are medicines as you are well aware" said Rachel "and you know that I visit him late in the night to give him the meds, I can't come here, you are so far away"

"Rachel, if Paul would bring me the meds later then help me bring Billy upstairs, I'll make sure everything is taken on time, I promise"

"Alright" said Billy "Only on one condition!"

"What?" I asked

"Serena sleeps by my side" He smiled.

"Sure, grandpa" I replied while she ran to his lap.

I forced Charlie and Sue to go back home after dinner, They were both so tired from the effort they helped me with. I arranged to prepare a floor bedding for me and the kids beside Jacob's bed.

* * *

After everyone went home, we were left with Billy in my living room. Later Paul was supposed to come with his medicines and bring him upstairs. Serena was playing around us while Harry slept in the crib.

Billy was silent, watching TV, I tried to engage him into several conversations that would break the ice but he would just nod or reply with one word. I thought deep then decided to clear things.

"He will wake up, Billy I am sure" I said

"I know" replied Billy "My son is strong"

"He should, I can't live without him" I said within my tears. "I know you think I caused this, and you are so very right, but if I could give anything for him to be awake and healthy"

Billy remained quiet.

"Billy, please try to forgive me" I went on "Help me forgive myself, I want to be the wife he deserves"

"You hurt him so much Bella every time" he said "he never felt safe."

"I know" I said within my sobs "and I know I am too later but I will always be by his side, even if he didn't wa-" I couldn't go on further and I felt all the strength I've been having all day had vanished as I cried more.

Billy wheeled himself to my side and started patting my shoulders.

"Ok Bella, be easy on yourself, he will be alright"he said as his kindness won over his anger.

The door knocked to interrupt our moment and it was Carlisle visiting again to check on Jacob. Serena would be in distress whenever he was near but she calmed down after everyone confirmed that he is here to help her daddy.

I lead him to Jacob's room while he started looking at the screens of the devices attached to Jacob. He said Jacob's temperature was still going down, and then we went downstairs to find a worried Billy staring at the both of us. Carlisle then asked me for a moment alone at the house's porch. I stared at Billy awaiting his permission, then he nodded and said I can go.

* * *

"Bella, I am so sorry for what Edward did!" Carlisle said as we were at the porch "It has been all my fault trusting him, after he had drifted away before"

I managed to remain silent.

"I don't know if you knew, but Edward left our family and fed on human blood for some time" He sighed then added "He was feeding on evil human's blood, but it still wasn't right"

"I knew Carlisle" I said embarrassed with my previous negativity.

"And you would still be with him?" He asked then knew the discussion wasn't proper so he completed "Sorry. Anyway he let me and the whole family down, but it's still hard losing him that way"

"I'm sorry you had to lose a son Carlisle, but I was there and I swear Jake wasn't going to kill him if he hadn't –" I stopped because I couldn't complete.

Carlisle sighed and decided to change the subject. I would have been thankful if the other subject wasn't more dreadful.

"About Jacob" he said "I think I'm close to guessing what is really happening"

"And?" I asked with loud breaths

"Bella, the good news is the venom had left his body and his life isn't in danger" he said.

"That's great, but?" I asked scared of the rest of the information

"I'm sorry, but I think the wolf is dying."

I gasped

"In the morning when you mentioned his temperature going lower than usual, I suspected that something was wrong with his wold. Then I changed the cannula's location and now when I looked at where it was attached I found that I can still see traces"

"Oh my God, Carlisle" I was screaming.

"Yes, I think that's how his body reacted to the venom" He went silent then added "And Bella he will be needing you now more than ever, because he will be waking up to a completely different level of strength"

"And I'll be there" I said with confidence.


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Jacob

'Yes honey, I can hear you' I wanted to tell Bella but couldn't.

Bella was talking to me through her tears begging me to wake up. I gathered all my lost strength to try and move but couldn't.

My father was usually around, he talked briefly most of the times. I was aware of the surroundings but had no energy to show it. My kids were there too. My family and friends visited a lot; they were there most of the time. I attempted several times to react, move, or tell them I could hear them, but I felt weakness I'd never felt before.

I couldn't keep track of what exactly was happening, because the world kept going on and off, so I was just getting bits and pieces of the sounds and voices around me. Something very strange was happening under my skin, like my inner strengths were totally gone.

* * *

Probably a few days, maybe a week had passed before I could open my eyes. Bella was walking around, arranging stuff. She looked at my direction then gasped loudly.

"Jake, Oh Jake" She jumped acrobatically to my side. She was cautious not to move any of the wires attached to me.

She held my cannula free hand and stated kissing it before she attacked my face. I tried to react in any way but damn it, I just couldn't.

"Jacob, can you hear me?" she cried.

I looked at her, I tried to talk or smile but still couldn't.

"Jake, please!" She asked, sobbing again.

I wanted to hug her and wipe her fears away but it was like I had no control over my body.

My father has then rolled himself in the room so I glimpsed at his direction and then quickly looked back at Bella as she screamed.

"He is aware, he looked at you when you entered the room" She told my father.

"Bella calm down" he replied calmly "Son, can you hear us?"

Screw my inability. I gave no reaction.

"Jacob, blink if you can hear us." he asked.

I did so he sighed with relief.

Bella held my hand harder and I tried to hold her hand tighter to assure her and it worked.

"Billy" she screamed again "He pressed on my hand!"

She was so cute in her teary happiness, I wished I could just get up and kiss her.

"I guess we should call Carlisle." Said my father.

Wait.

What?

Carlisle?

Was this a silly dream?

I could only think of one thing regarding Carlisle: They broke the damn treaty and it was the right time to kill them all.

* * *

I had been developing well before Dr. Fang arrived, I couldn't talk, but at least I could smile and move my fingers.

The arrival was something else because I suddenly heard a knock on the door, and when I looked at it's direction I was surprised to see him.

'Something very odd was going on here' I was thinking.I haven't heard him entering the house, nor taking up the stairs and more importantly, I haven't smelled him at all.I breathed in deeper, and I didn't catch the stench, at all.

Was that a silly kind of joke?

Carlisle was extremely lucky I couldn't move yet, because he would have been destroyed like his sneaky son if I just could.

Bella didn't leave my hand all the time, she described the moment she saw my eyes open to the leech about forty times already, and it was so irritating.

Carlisle kept on examining me, checking my pulse and my blood pressure, looking at the many machines hanging around in my room. I felt nothing about his body but his cold skin and that was when I noticed Bella's touch was warmer than usual.

"Welcome back Jacob" said the leech and I had the maximum urge but not the slightest energy to kill him.

He started removing everything attached to monitor my body.

"He will be fine Bella" He talked to her easily and I was so angry she was chatting to him with ease after all what had happened and what would have happened.

"I expect him to be normal, by the end of the week" He said "Just keep me updated"

Bella nodded then attacked my face and my neck with weird kisses that actually embarrassed the vampire enough to make him leave the room silently.

As soon as he was out, I couldn't smell nor hear him anymore. I was so no longer much concerned with this change after his explanation about me being normal by time. It surely was a temporary effect, or that was what I hoped.

* * *

Bella stroked my hair and that helped make the worries go away. I closed my eyes then drifted back to sleep with her by my side. It was so comforting to have her safe in my arms.

I woke up the next day with Bella pillowing my chest. I nudged her and I could actually call her name.

"Bells" I said in a very low voice, I could barely hear myself.

She was deeply asleep; Bella was usually a light sleeper and that made me guess she missed sleeping for several nights, probably worrying. I truly wanted to let her rest, but I had missed her, and I wanted to talk to her and start living like all this hadn't happen.

"Bella" I said again a little bit higher, stroking her shoulder.

"Jake?" She sat up suddenly and smiled, the happy tears came out again like they never left her eyes.

"Oh Jake" She said again, her face lighting up with happiness "Thank you God!"

"BILLYYYY, your son is talking now" She screamed.

She was trembling and I hugged her closer.

"Shhhh honey" I said, "I'm fine, I swear"

"Oh Jacob" she said then went on with the kissing again. It wasn't sweet or romantic; it was more like eating after months of starvation. My father gave a cough when he entered the room, he probably have never seen her that way.

It seemed very early in the morning so it was a bit strange that Billy was already here.

Both the kids cried, probably Bella's screams woke them up.

Serena crossed her hands around my neck as she saw I was awake. She didn't let go for a long moment.

"Daddy?" she asked "Will we be together forever now?"

"Yes honey" I replied stroking her hair. "Nothing bad will happen."

"Daddy" she said, "We prayed, mommy and I, and it worked!"

* * *

In less than an hour, the room was full. My father who apparently was sleeping over at our place, Charlie, Sue, Rachel, Paul, Quil, Embry, Seth and Leah were filling most of the room while Serena and Andy were jumping and running around with happiness and excitement. Bella hadn't left my side since we woke up and I had Harry in my lap. He was playing in my features in his special way to express how much he had missed me.

It felt so good to see them all safe and happy. I was relieved we were all fine after all. I tried to recall the moments I nearly lost Bella and kept my eyes on her as she was glowing with joy. It seemed like she believed the nightmare was fully over. It really was in a way, but I had to inform her that there was no way on earth I would let the Cullens go with their mistake, no matter how much she craved peace.

"Bro, I can't believe you survived." said Paul with a laugh "You're such a bad ass."

"Don't ever think you will get rid of me Paul" I joked.

"For a moment I though we lost you, Jake" replied Quil "You're sometimes annoying but would never want to fully get rid of you."

"Don't ever scare us like that again, Jacob" My sister added "Worry was eating us all, Right Leah?"

I couldn't get up yet, but I could notice that Leah was very distant. I wondered what was wrong with her. She didn't answer Rachel and it was obvious she wasn't even listening to any of us.

"Leah?" I asked, "Are you ok?"

"Yes, Jake" she said with her eyes closed. She then shivered, let a hearable sob as tears fell from her eyes... As fast as possible, she then ran outside the room.

I looked at Bella; she was very concerned but not confused. Something was wrong with Leah and I knew that only one topic would make Leah cry. I wondered what brought it back to her.

"Is he coming back?" I asked them.

No one answered, so I looked at my wife for clarification. Bella's eyes were teary at that moment, but not with happy tears anymore. Fear took over me as she kept staring bluntly at me without uttering a single word.

I asked them if I could have a moment with Bella and they all hesitantly left the room. I didn't miss they all gave her a supportive pitiful look and I wondered what that was about.

* * *

"Bells" I said once they were gone "What is it? Please, Don't let me worry. What happened?"

She moved closer to my side, held my hand tighter then talked "Nothing major Jake. Always remember that what matters most now is that you are alive and that you are fine."

"No Bella, don't ever think about it!" I said in anger "I won't let the Cullens live with breaking the treaty that way just because we both survived well"

"Jake, you don't know how Carlisle helped you," she said.

"I don't care" my voice was loud now "Even if you brought Sam from the other end of the world to convince me otherwise. They will pay for their shit"

Bella was silent now, guilty, or so I guessed.

"What?" I said "You thought you will surprise me with Sam and his wise talk?"

"No, Jake... That's not it" she said still holding my hand, stroking it.

"Then what? Enlighten me," I said sarcastically, then added "But don't try to fool me Bells, I knew from Leah's tears that Sam is coming."

"Indeed he is coming Jake." Bella replied. She was crying now and that got me scared again.

I took a deep breath and talked gently.

"Bells, what is it? Tell me please, Is Sam fine?"

She cleared her throat "Jake, yes, Sam is fine and we are all fine, I'll tell you everything, but please try to remain calm."

Bella told me everything. Starting from the head leech accepting Edward's death and his request to keep the treaty intact, building on Alice's sincere help during the attack. She then told me how I stayed unconscious for days when there was no medical reason for that.

She was obviously shaking. She stuttered when she was telling me that my wolf was gone for good. Apparently the venom killed _my_ wolf and no I won't be able to punish the Cullens for violating the treaty, nor will I ever be an alpha anymore. I lost contact with _my_ pack's mind and Sam was coming back home with his family to lead _my_ pack for a transition period till any of them is ready for this task.

* * *

I would have been able to accept all that if I could trust that no danger would haunt us any more. The guys had begged me for years to let them quit but I had never agreed knowing the constant danger that was after my wife. I knew Carlisle had reached a deal with the Volturi, but I had ensured keeping myself ready for any surprises. Unfortunately, at that moment I became no longer able to protect my wife from the nightmare that would arrive any time.

The weakness inside me made sense then. I thought about how hard and different it would be to live without my super strong senses. The thought was too much for the new vulnerable Jacob Black, so I let a tear fall and Bella wiped it away.

I pulled my hand away, and stormed at her... I harshly ordered her to leave the room on the spot. She moved backwards, stumbling on her way out.

Bella was obviously panicking, I could see that but I couldn't bear to look at her or have her by my side knowing I won't be able to protect her again… Ever.


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Jacob

It was the third time Bella tries to knock on my door. I knew she was panicking but I did really need sometime to absorb whatever the fuck was happening.

"Please Bella, give it some time!" I pleaded trying not to scare her more than she already was.

"Jake" said my father "Can I have a talk with you, I have Sam here with me"

He said that and without giving me time to push them away, they let themselves in and I let out a frustration breath.

"Hi Jake" said Sam "I'm glad you are fine."

"I'm not fine Sam, and neither you are. You never wanted to be dragged into this again, don't you?" my voice was getting higher.

"Jake, please try to be calmer, we have to pass this situation together" said Sam.

"What is wrong Jake?" my dad asked, "your wife is a mess, why are you pushing her away like that?"

"She has never seen you freaking out like that and it is so much scaring her not to see you as strong as you always are" he added mercilessly.

"I'm not who she married dad, you wanna say I'm weak, fine I am. I can't handle her right now!" It hurt to be talking like that in front of the new alpha, but I was too angry to control it.

"Jacob" talked Sam patiently "Maybe it's not that bad, maybe it's another chance for you and Bella to start over without all the burdens of being the pack's alpha."

"Ha-ha" I replied sarcastically "says the new alpha of the pack!"

"I didn't want this, I was having a stable life with my family" he said defensively.

"Because you don't fucking need it Sam" I said "But for me, now, looking deeper at my situation, I nearly am nothing without it!"

"What on earth does that mean? Huh?" my father shouted, he wasn't that angry with me since forever "you now claim that you are nothing without the wolf, you hated the wolf, Jacob, remember? You hated me, you resented the tribe and denied your fate, or have you lost your memory too?"

"It's different now father" I replied.

It was getting harder to share this out loud but I went on anyway "my wife is a fucking vampire magnet, whenever she goes, they go. Some of them, the most powerful, are so interested in the vampire version of Bella. She can't help it, she attracts danger, and she can't be with a disabled wolf like me."

"Jacob" he replied while Sam stayed silent, "It's just an interpretation of the vampire doctor who has no knowledge about our history nor the specialty of this gene."

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"I talked to old Quil" he sighed then added, "he doesn't agree with what the vampire doctor had said"

"I will kill the leader leech, I will kill them all" I said in rage, even as a doctor he was not useful.

"Jacob, why are you acting worse than when you were a teen?" asked my father.

"Listen Jake" he went on "I don't want to give you false hope. Yes, the doctor analysis may be wrong, but even if he was right, the pack is still your family they will protect you and your family, never doubt that."

"Yes Jake" interfered Sam "We have your back. You are our brother for live, whether or not you can phase."

* * *

I started to come around after what seemed like a long sleep. I was feeling much better already.

Bella was sitting beside me; I felt her tiny fingers stroking my hair. She jerked her hand away as soon as she noticed I was waking up.

"Don't stop Bells," I pleaded.

She kept going for a while, silently. Her posture said a million words.

"Sorry Bells, I'm so sorry I scared you" I gathered my courage to talk to her.

She didn't reply, but tears fell on her cheeks. I pulled myself up and wiped them away with my hand.

"I hate that I hurt you that much, but I was so afraid, I still am if I'm totally honest"

"You don't have faith in me Jake" She said and looked to the side "I don't blame you though."

"Bella" I said pulling her chin so that she looks at me "I have so much faith in you and I apologize for doubting you. But now I'm mostly worried about you, all the time. I am so scared that something bad happens to you. You are everything to me and you know it. It's so freaking panicking not to be able to protect you"

"Jake, let's try and forget all that, and start a life sans the supernatural craziness" she stressed on the world sans with a hopeful smile.

"Those are Sam's words" I replied.

"Maybe" she said, then remained silent for a while before saying, "But maybe he's right. He said he was so happy away from all that. "So maybe if we can leave and give it a try far awa-"

"I wish honey" I cut her words "We are not like Sam and Emily, it always will chase us"

She was embarrassed, she knew by that I meant how her previous relationship with the Cullens brought us into infinite danger. I wanted to sooth her sadness so I caressed her cheek.

"I'm such a burden, Jake. I wish all this never happened" she said in defeat.

"No honey, it's not you. It's just how I feel about you, I love you so much" I told her that and kissed her forehead and she stroked my neck.

"Don't be ashamed Bells. You were young, and you lacked the knowledge then." I said. "It's not your fault he used his manipulative charm on a teen girl like you"

She pouted so I messaged her mouth with my thumb to release it. She kissed my finger so pulled my self higher and kissed her lips. She pushed herself closer and grabbed my hair pulling me closer. I kissed her hard till she opened her lips in the perfect moment for my tongue to enter so I put it inside and it felt so good to lick her tongue again.

It was getting hotter between us fast. Specially because our bodies longed so much for each other; I touched the tip of her shirt planning to grab it and pull it off, when someone knocked on the door.

My father was on the door announcing we are having a visitor. I sighed, not knowing how to tell the so-called visitor to fuck off. Bella rushed herself out of the bed with her cheeks blushing.

"It's Old Quil and he wants to talk to you," he said then paused for a moment then added in an unsure tone "it's about our previous conversation and what's bothering you."

I paused and didn't reply, so they let themselves in. My father needs a word about respecting our privacy.

"Hey Jacob, hey Bella" said old Quil with an expression that is hard to make as usual.

My dad asked Bella to leave us alone. She obviously wanted to stay but she couldn't refuse his request. She looked at me first and I thought about asking her to stay but I wasn't sure what will happen and how I would react, so I nodded for her to leave.

"What is it?" I said impatiently as soon as she went outside the door.

"Calm down Jake" said my father. "Old Quil has something important to tell you."

"Listen Billy" old Quil told him "If he doesn't want to be patient and listen, I can just go away."

If they are both in here to teach me some manners today then I swear I can just throw them outside my house, wolf or not.

"I'm not in the mood for that" I snapped at my father "Have something new? Say it!"

"Jake" said my dad "Just listen, he's only helping."

"Look Jacob" said old Quil ignoring us "Billy told me about what happened, and how you saved your wife, and about the death of the wolf nonsense"

So he thinks it's nonsense, that's a promising start.

"Jacob, what you did is such a unique experience. We have no records about a wolf sucking the venom in their mouth like that. So unfortunately the archives show nothing about what could have happened to you. But Jacob, the wolf can't die and leave you, it's in your genes, it's who you are." Said old Quil.

"But how do you explain those symptoms?" I asked in frustration. "I'm not myself anymore."

"It is strange I am telling you, and I had a fast look on the tribe old books and found nothing to explain what you are feeling now" he said.

After a moment of silent, my father started talking

"It's known though that the wolf can calm down for a period of time. Previous pack members as well as Sam could do it, quit and stop phasing"

"Exactly" said old Quil "The gene can calm down, but it never goes away. The spirit warrior can usually awaken it like what Sam is doing right now. Or in some other cases, it's triggered to work again"

"Triggered?" I asked

"Yes, like meeting with you mortal enemy, have you met with a vampire?" he asked reading my mind.

"Yeah, but I felt nothing, I even couldn't smell him" I said shamefully

"Expected Jake don't be hard on your self" said my dad trying to assure me.

"Well, my theory is your status now isn't like when the gene is calmed down after phasing, it's more close to how it was when you were young before you even phased" said old Quil.

"This is just crazy" I said

"So if that is the case" he completed ignoring my frustration "So you won't be able to awaken it your self, it will do by itself once it's fully triggered"

"And how would that happen old man" I asked.

"Maybe someone needs to piss you off so much." He said

"I'm already very pissed right now" I replied.

"Maybe meeting vampires" said Billy.

"Oh dad, this happened a few hours ago and I was annoyingly normal" I replied again.

They looked to each other, and I knew right away there was something they needed to tell me but they were afraid.

"What?" I asked, "tell me, I'll do anything.

"We guess," said my father slowly, like he doesn't want to complete "That your family being in danger can trigger the wolf again."

"What do you mean father?" I asked with anger again.

My father couldn't reply, so old Quil completed

"We think that we can just send Bella to the Cullens for a few days while you stay around them, one uncomfortable situation and the wolf will be back."

I growled.

"See, it's already working" noted old Quil, and I already felt warmer.

"There's no way I'm placing her in danger while I'm not sure I'd be able to defend her."

"OK Jacob, calm down" said old Quil "be patient and think it over, you don't have to decide now."

"Dad can I ask you a favor?"

"Sure Jake?"

"Please, no one tells Bella this fucking idea, she will throw herself at the Cullens house today."

They promised they won't tell her till I give my final say. I wondered if my father was really that clueless about me to the extent he thinks I'll be even considering this.

The good news is, their suggestion really triggered something within me and I became more confident the wolf is near.

I couldn't let them go without one more thing.

"Sam" I said loudly since I knew he was down at the living room listening to every word.

"Yes Jake" he said as he rushed to the room again.

"I have one request from you, can you order my pack for me till I return?"

"Sure Jake" he said in confusion.

"Tell my pack that no vampire-including the ones we have a shitty treaty with- should know about this, I want them to believe that the wolf had completely died!"

"Why Jacob?" asked old Quil.

"None of your business old man, thank you for your help." I said.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Bella

They say time heals everything, but in my family's current situation, this was further from the truth on many aspects, and for many reasons. It did take Jacob more time than expected to fully recover, on the physical side, but he did eventually. The disaster was his mental state, he was driving himself, myself and everybody insane, and there was nothing that I could do about it.

I did my best not to reflect this stress on my children. The first thing to do was moving them back to their room. Serena fell back into her own system; school, homework, doll-time, some TV, then her bedtime story and sleep. I kept my promise and shielded her from all the worries and problems that were tearing me apart and she was getting calmer and happier. I was glad she was spending much less time with Jacob, since he was escaping her, but it might have been better for her and for everyone.

Harry's crib was also moved to the kids' room. I told Jacob he was growing now and ought to sleep longer at nights, but the truth is I wanted my baby away from the new Jacob blues too. Also, if I were completely honest, I kind of was offering myself an exit card to the children's room whenever I was close to exploding.

Jacob's day have been shifted. He slept all mornings, and woke up when everybody was asleep, he wouldn't eat, sit or socialize with us. He would get out of our bedroom to perform the least possible amount of human activities. He was silent most of the times and his sunny smile was long gone.

On the very rare occasions that Jacob would talk, he would give me blaming comment, or frantically share his fear about the future, or just curse the Cullens and wish he would kill them all. Some nights, he would leave bed at night, go outside, then return frustrated. He never told me but I knew, no matter how hard he hid it from me, I knew he was trying to reconnect with the wolf.

I assumed Jacob had asked them not to, because everyone was keeping it from me. But I wasn't that stupid, I could figure out that something old Quil had told Jake had made him hopeful about shifting and being wolf again. This realization should have made me happier but due to the disappointment I saw daily in my husband's eyes, I wasn't. I wished he could just give up and live the new circumstances.

Jacob stopped going to work, which meant we were short in terms of money. Lizzie tried to manage by her own as much as possible, but alone it wasn't profitable enough, so it had to be terminated. Charlie, Billy and Rachel would help us by buying us weekly groceries, clothes for the kids and some school supplies. They started to do it in the form of gifts after I refused direct money from Rachel. I knew Jacob never liked this, but there was absolutely nothing else to be done, and that was why I started searching jobs.

* * *

Sam would pass by our house daily at 9:00 pm. He came to update Jacob on the pack and the safety of the reservation. Jacob met him for a couple of times, then he stopped and would just ask me to receive the updates for Sam. Though Jacob ignored him, Sam would still be prompt about those meetings.

"You don't have to bother coming every single day, Sam" I told him one of those days. "You are always welcomed, but if it's a hassle, maybe you can just text him the updates."

"I know Bella," He replied, "But, I understand how out of control he feels and how he might really need to feel that, as an alpha, he is being informed officially"

He lowered his voice when he said that, and I gave him a sad smile.

"Thanks, Sam. We are lucky to have you!" I said before I broke down, stumbled on the couch and cried.

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry, I don't know how to help you" he said sympathetically.

"I just don't know what to do anymore" I said, "Jake never shut me out before" I said crying harder.

"It will be alright Bella," he sighed then added "Guess we will have to show him we are around and absorb his attitude."

I wiped away my tears, and tried to distract myself by opening new topics for conversation.

"How's Emily?" I asked, "How is she with coming back here?"

"She is fine…" he replied, "In a way" he added "She is driving me crazy."

"Oh sorry" I said, "Is that because of…" and I became scared to mention the name.

"Yeah," he said "I'm sure Leah's now much better, and I know, being in her mind, all the hurt she feels is due the harshness of the experience, more than her still having feelings for me. Emily can't see that but I have no other option, she has to cope with the situation. You know that pack is family, you can't cut someone off"

"Yeah" I said, "Maybe we can spend some women time together, I'm sure Leah is 100% changed"

"Maybe" he said "Anyway, don't bother now, you have your share of problems right now"

He slightly laughed nervously then excused me after he wrote some notes for Jacob on a paper.

"I could hear you chatting with the new alpha"

I shook with surprise, Jacob's words to me were mostly replies these days.

"Whoa, Jake, you startled me" I said.

"So used to Uley's talks these days?" he asked bitterly.

"Jake" I said calmly, moving closer to him "Can you please try to be easier."

He didn't storm away which was a good sign, he let me rub his arms and the anger faded somehow and his breaths were getting even. I figured every single time we tried to talk it would end up in an ugly fight, so I tried another approach.

I moved my hands up and down his arms, then up to his neck, and moved my lips closer to him. I figured he wasn't moving so I kissed whatever I could reach on my lips level which was his chest.

"Jake" I said "Please… I miss you!"

He moved his hands to my back, then to my waist. He bent down to kiss me, a confused, trembling kiss, then carried me through the stairs up to our room.

On our bed, Jacob was different. Since Harry's birth and my memory problems we hadn't made love and I had missed him terribly. Apparently, he did too, because the energy-less Jacob was gone while my strong husband loved me like all this craziness hadn't happened.

"Wow" I said after we were done. "Is that how we always used to be?" I giggled.

"Oh yes" he said, "better even."

"Liar, it can't be better" I was pillowing his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"No, I don't lie" he said pulling me out of his embrace, getting off the bed. "Jacob, don't go!" I begged "Please stop concentrating on the damn wolf and just try to love what we have today."

"Stop telling me how to feel, Bella" he replied firmly.

"I'm not" I replied, "I know it hurts, I know you feel helpless, but Jake you have us, you have your family, your friends"

He was silent so I went on, with tears falling from my eyes.

"Jake look what you have lost, your work, your relationship with your kids, try to focus and save your life, it's mendable"

"It's damn not, nothing can be fixed," He screamed "You will never understand, I can't let it go Bella, I can't even sleep at night… I can lose everything in one second just because I am not strong enough."

If he could, Jake would have shifted now. Since he couldnt, he just left the room, then I hurt the house's door's loud bang. I was wrapping my head around how he left me again with my tears.

* * *

Leah let herself in, she called my name loudly.

"Shhh, the kids are in bed" I said from the kitchen, as I was washing the dishes.

She met me in the kitchen and gave me a hug.

"I heard it was hard" she said as she patted my shoulder.

"What?" I asked with confusion, she gave me a sly smile so I knew she meant what had happened some time ago with Jacob, then asked:

"How?"

"Embry was watching the house, he heard every bit of it!"

"Every bit?" I asked feeling my cheeks go red.

"Oh yes" She laughed.

"Are we like "always" watched?" I asked stressing on the word always

"Yeah, Sam's order, he thinks it will make Jake feel better, knowing you are protected all the time."

"Oh" I said accompanying her to the living room "nothing's ought to make Jake feel better these days, even good sex" I said sarcastically. I then decided it was Leah's turn to blush, because I have been noticing something.

"So, Embry heard or whatever, and you are here minutes later? Seems like two people are becoming like two peas in a pot."

Leah blushed more than expected, she gestured for me to shut up.

"Lower your voice Bella, he is still outside"

"Oh, so something is happening there?" I said in a hushed voice

"Yeah, we decided to give it a try, but Bella, no one knows, so please..."

I zipped my lips and smiled at her,

"I'm so happy for you Leah, he is such a caring person"

Leah rubbed in arm and said

"I know"

"I really wish I can help you, Bella" she then added

"Nothing to be done…" I said

We stayed quiet for a moment so I added,

"Unless the wolf is back" I said, "I wish I can just help him bring the damn wolf"

I never shared those thoughts out loud, since everyone seemed persistent to keep it from me.

Leah opened her mouth, then shut it. She had a painful look on her face.

"What is it Leah?" I asked suspiciously, seems like Leah can help me after all "Do you know something I don't?"

She nodded, and again she couldn't talk, she reminded me of something. Oh no, she was exactly like young Jacob who was trying to hide his wolf side from me, under Sam's orders.

So there was an order!

"Did Jake order you?" I asked, confused again.

"Sam." She said and gave a large relief sigh like it was such hard work to say this three letters word.

"I have to leave Bella sorry!"

Leah ran away fast, and typically I couldn't catch her.

I thought about that conversation for a moment, and started gathering the bits and pieces. So, I knew Jake had some hope after meeting with Old Quil, and I knew he made Sam order the pack not to talk to me about it. Apparently, something might be done that may bring his wolf back, something he wouldn't want me to know…

I reached an easy conclusion, but first I need confirmation. I knew pack members won't be able to give me an answer. So I decided on going to the one person who must know everything, and might give me a reply…

I knew I shouldn't wait any longer, because when Leah phases everyone will know about our conversation. I had to act fast and I knew Embry was around, so I left my kids sleeping at the house and headed to my father in law's.


End file.
